DIVORCE AND CHILDREN

DIVORCE AND CHILDREN


The family is the social unit where the child takes his first step into life, where his basic needs such as nutrition and protection are met, where he first feels trust and love and where he learns social rules, and therefore affects the child's emotional development the most. Changes such as separation and divorce also affect children. For this reason, families should be more careful in their relationships with their children during this period.

Making an honest explanation to the child

When parents make a final decision about divorce, they should first give a simple explanation to the child about the divorce. During this conversation, care should be taken to be honest, not to deceive the child in any way, and not to mention unnecessary details about the problems between the parents. If possible, parents should have the conversation about divorce together. However, if parents need to talk separately, it is important that they talk similarly. Parents should explain to the child that only the spouse relationship is over, but their parenting roles have not changed and the divorce is not his/her fault.

Talking about changes

When children learn about the divorce, they wonder what will change in their lives. . Uncertainty about their future lives may cause the child to worry. For this reason, parents should explain to the child what will change in his life with divorce. However, during this period, it would be beneficial to minimize the changes in the child's life as much as possible and, if possible, not to change his school or routine activities.

Being ready to listen to the child's feelings and thoughts

Parents The child should know that this situation is difficult for children and that it is normal for the child to experience emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt and disappointment. should encourage them to express their feelings. Parents should listen to the child's words, thoughts and feelings with an accepting attitude until the end.

Showing love and affection and allocating special time

Children need to be with their parents more than ever during the divorce process. During this period, children may be afraid of losing their parents' love. For this reason, parents should often tell the child that they love him/her and spend one-on-one time with the child. Children may be anxious during this period and may engage in baby-like behavior such as talking like a baby, wetting the bed, and sucking their thumb. Parents should not forget that these behaviors are temporary and that their children need more affection and comfort.

Behaving consistently, arranging regular meetings, creating common rules

Divorced mother Fathers should establish a regular meeting routine with their children. Children feel safer if they know when and how long visits will occur. However, the parent who does not live with the child must have special toys, clothes, etc. for each meeting. there is no need to take it. Because children need time to spend with their parents more than new toys.
If the mother or father needs to live away from the child after the divorce, telephone, Skype, e-mail, etc. Regular contact with the child through social media is important for the child to feel valued.
After the parents divorce, permanent and consistent rules and routines that apply to both homes should be established. Inconsistent behavior may cause the child to become even more anxious in this process.

Not reflecting the conflict between parents to the child

In this process, parents are against each other. They may feel angry. However, arguments in front of the child make it difficult for children to cope with the divorce. For this reason, parents should not argue in front of the child, alimony, property sharing, etc. One should be careful not to discuss the issues in front of him or to criticize his ex-wife in front of the child.
Additionally, parents should not use the child to communicate with the other parent, to find out what the other parent is doing, or to take revenge on the ex-spouse by preventing them from seeing the child.
When the child makes complaints about the other parent, listening to what the child tells impartially, It is necessary not to intervene in the relationship.
Finally, parents should not forget that their children love both their mothers and fathers very much and that having to choose a side in any dispute would be very tiring for the child, and should not force the child to choose a side.

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