The relationship between parent and child should always be within the mother-child and father-child roles. The child should be raised as a "child", and the parent should not raise his child with the aim of making him a friend, friend or comrade. While correct parenting is not an innate skill, but a skill that can be learned and acquired, parents' failure to remain passive in their upbringing fundamentally affects their children's lives.
Parents must learn to parent their children. Otherwise, we may see parents who make their children their own parents without realizing it, with completely good, sweet and pure intentions. Is parenting something learned? So, you may be asking, how do we learn? First of all, we can change some of the frequently used and well-known expressions in our world of thought.
1) We should be like friends with our child (!)
2) If we tell our child everything about us, we will make him/her tell us everything too (!)
Parents should be like "mother" and "father" to their children, not like friends. When the child is parented correctly, he will already have many friends, but the child only has one mother and one father. This thought should not lead us directly to the conclusion of 'let's not play games with our child, then let his friends play' or 'let's not listen to our child's problems, let his friends listen to them'. Games should be played with the child, the child should be listened to, the child should be valued. In such a relationship, the subject is the child. There are parents for the child. Research proves that being there for your child when he needs it is the best parenting. If he needs to play, let him manage it and play with him, if he needs to express his feelings, listen without judging or giving advice, if he needs protection, surround him and be a safe person, and give him space for the skills he wants to display. Don't you think being such a parent is healthier than acting like a friend?
It would be more functional to replace this sentence with the sentence "If we accept our child's feelings, be in the moment with him/her with all our presence and attention, we will allow him/her the opportunity to share something with us." p>
Sharing with the child so that they can explain things to themselves may seem to serve a good purpose, but with this attitude, it only affects the child. It should be noticed as soon as possible that a load is being placed on the device. Because children are not the confidants of their parents, they are not their partners in trouble, and the responsibility for their parents' problems does not belong to them. It is the duty of your spouse, your friends, your friends to listen to these. If you are someone who has such parents, you can read the book called 'Adult Children of Immature Parents' and increase your awareness.
In fact, sometimes what just happens is that a spouse who does not receive value and attention from his partner fills the need for rest and attention by sharing it with his child and Sharing and relationships can be established beyond what should be between them. The mother role is now more dominant than the wife role. Without realizing it, the child becomes his mother's solution point, her escape cave, and takes on the responsibility of making her feel good. While this responsibility belongs to the father, the child is treated as if he had grown up with his mother's duty to be good before he grows up. She does not become herself, she becomes the desired child. The more problems the mother has, the more problems the child has. She cannot separate and instead of being the mother's child, she becomes her mother's confidant and confidant. Sometimes the mother's parent, sometimes the mother's spouse, but never the mother's child. Dear parents, the child you give birth to is not a saving object that serves your purposes. He is a subject who has been entrusted to you to establish his own world and you must allow him to separate from you when the time comes. Please let him be the subject of his own life.
Read: 0
