The concept of death is one of the topics that children are most curious about. They hear conversations about death around them, listen to death news on television, and witness various death events. They may ask questions about death from a very young age. Children's perception of the concept of death varies depending on their age.
Before the age of 2, they have no idea about death. After the age of 2, they begin to understand death, albeit vaguely. However, in their eyes, death is like a long-term separation or journey.
Children between the ages of 2-5 hear about death. They perceive the meaning of death as not being able to breathe or the heart not beating. This shows that they cannot fully understand the meaning of death. Children learn how the dead people ate, how they walked to the grave, etc. They wonder.
Death for a 3-4 year old child; It is valid not only for living things but also for non-living things. Death is thought of as a long journey.
Young children can use the word death without fully knowing its meaning. During this period, they have difficulty understanding abstract explanations about death. At this age, children think on a concrete level. Although the concept of death is not fully developed in young children, it is natural to expect an overreaction to losing a loved one at this age. Even two-year-olds can express their understanding that the person they love no longer exists.
At age five, death may equate with a long sleep and gradually becomes scary. The child often asks whether his mother or father will die. If the mother explains that death is like sleep in order to calm her down, some children may be afraid of going to bed or falling asleep. Also at this age, children ask questions about burial that are very difficult to answer: These are questions about how the dead can move under the ground, what they eat and drink, how they breathe. These questions prove that children have difficulty in embracing the idea that death is an end, an irreversible ending.
At the age of five or six, children begin to understand that there is a relationship between death, illness and old age. Everyone who is old and gray-haired will die soon They think he is bending. Still, the idea that one can return from death, as if waking up from sleep, is dominant. In children's fairy tales such as Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, the dead are resurrected with a kiss. In cartoons, swallowed creatures come out alive; The heroes who were crushed and fell into the abyss stand up. In fairy tales and stories, the bad guys always die. Death is always portrayed as a punishment for evil people. Thus, the child sees death as distant from himself.
How Can We Explain Death to Children?
Before children encounter the event of death, the concept of death must develop in a healthy way at the age level. In this way, they can be made to perceive that death is a part of life.
Death should not be explained to the child indirectly, explanations should be made as realistic as possible.
It can be explained in simple language that death is the end of life and that the dead person will no longer come. It should be explained in age-appropriate language that the deceased person will never be with us anymore, that he will not breathe, will not eat, in short, that he will no longer have bodily functions.
Children before the age of 6 have difficulty understanding religious concepts. In particular, it should not be said that God took the deceased person with him because he loved him very much. Such a statement may cause the child to think that all loved ones may die and to experience anxiety.
Explaining death by comparing it to sleep may cause the idea, especially in young children, to develop the idea that they too may die while sleeping, and as a result, to experience sleep problems.
Comparing death to a long journey and making explanations because the child is sick or old causes the child to be afraid of journeys, diseases and aging.
When the child encounters death in the immediate environment, the real reason must be told.
The death of a pet may be the best time to explain the concept of death. In such a case, the entire family expresses their sadness over this death, and the animal may be removed from the house with a ceremony. HE Not buying a new animal to replace the dead animal helps the child understand the concept of death.
What Can Be Done When a Child Loses a Relative?
Children react like adults when they lose a relative. Since they cannot respond, they may generally seem unaffected by this situation. The child who hears the news of death cannot believe this death and thinks that the dead person will come back. He begins to feel anger towards both the situation and the deceased. He gradually realizes that he will never see the dead person again and begins to feel unhappiness and sadness about it. Over time, they get used to this situation and accept the absence of the deceased.
Children feel lonely during this period and need someone who can support them. However, they may experience this emotional state again and again later in life. Children need to explain this period in a healthy way so that they can develop healthily in the future.
This must be told to the child who has lost a relative.
The child should be given the news of the death by the person he/she loves, trusts and feels closest to. In case of death of one of the parents; It is most appropriate for this person to be the other parent.
Sentences such as “He has now fallen into a deep sleep or gone on a long journey” should be avoided.
The event of death should be described as concretely as possible. An explanation can be made such as "Death means that a person no longer breathes, eats, goes to the bathroom and does not grow."
When a death occurs, children are usually tried to be removed from home, this is not a healthy approach. Children can attend the funeral ceremony at their own discretion. However, in a situation where there is intense mourning and there are cries and rebellions at home, the child can be kept at a relative's house in the first days, this place should not be too far from home.
Children should never be told that they should not cry or be sad. The child should be given the opportunity to experience his emotions and express what he thinks.
Questions asked by the child about the incident must be answered and answers must be given as accurately as possible.
Anger, aggression, babyish attitudes, etc. in a child who has lost a relative. visible. It should be known that this situation is temporary, and the child should be treated with understanding and patience.
The child needs physical closeness as well as emotional support, it is very important to hug the child, hold his hand, and be with him.
The child should be allowed to express his/her sadness through activities such as playing games, drawing, and sports.
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