The ideas of the child who needs approval are not formed!
Students are getting ready to leave a tiring period behind. One of the most talked about topics these days is the measure of reward and punishment in the report card. Experts point out that reward or punishment may cause the child to develop a personality trait related to approval-seeking. Experts warn that "A child who constantly needs approval cannot form his own ideas and preferences."
The "approval-seeking" personality trait may occur
Parents' attitudes and behaviors, their communication style about the grades on the report card, and how they evaluate the report card actually determine how the child should evaluate his report card. Approval seeking often appears as a maladaptive coping mode in a person's adult life. One of the problems we frequently encounter in therapies is that problems related to self-confidence or anxiety usually consist of thought content related to seeking approval.
The child cannot form his own ideas and preferences
Punishment causes the child to internalize that losing parental approval is a terrible thing, and therefore negative feedback about any situation from social life is a terrible thing. A child who constantly needs approval cannot form his own opinions and preferences.
Esma Uygun also emphasized that exaggerated rewards have the same effect due to high report card grades and course grades.
The report card should be evaluated together with the child
The purpose of the report card is to evaluate whether the child has fulfilled his responsibilities throughout the year and the lessons in which he showed high performance. Report card is a reward-punishment system in itself. Therefore, the report card is an important opportunity to create solutions and plan for courses that need improvement. When faced with a report card with low grades, parents should evaluate the report card with the child.
The report card is an opportunity for the child's development
It should be said in a non-accusatory and constructive manner that the report card is a result of the term evaluation, what the factors that may have caused this result are, and what can be done to avoid encountering the same situation. The child should be given the opportunity to plan for the next period and it should be reviewed together. If necessary, parents should convey their own solution suggestions to the child. In order for the child to develop his planning skills, he should be encouraged to plan even in daily life. Report cards should be turned into an important opportunity for child education and personality development.
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