Most of us question whether we are happy or not. In today's age of communication, we also reveal our happiness through social media. We are in a rush to show others our most enthusiastic state and moments of joy. There are many books written on the secrets of being a happy person, having a happy family and even raising happy children, various courses explaining the formula of being happy, health recipes and beauty secrets. The subtext of the movement is this; “Pursue happiness! Catch happiness!”
Is happiness something that needs to be pursued and caught, but is lost when caught? Is what we expect from a lover, a job, money, a nice car, a house with a view, to make us happy? In this state, happiness becomes a satisfaction that must be obtained from sources outside of us. It deceives us into thinking that we will be happy when we have it. However, we see people who are unhappy, complain, and strive for more, even though their yachts are multiple floors. What he has is never enough for him. Some people are content with what they have in their own little world, are grateful for what they have, and don't need more. Even without needing possessions, he feels valuable, is committed to life, and enjoys existing and living.
So, is happiness a feeling that comes from inside a person? Psychoanalytic theories define happiness as being comfortable in one's own skin, enjoying this life while being in this mind and this body. Being comfortable in your skin evokes a different feeling of satisfaction than pursuing and realizing your wishes and desires. This is a state that indicates establishing a connection with what is in essence, with what is happening in the moment, without the need for external resources.
Socrates says, "Happiness is possible with the capacity to enjoy less, rather than striving for more." He argues that happiness is something that comes from within a person, not from what is acquired from outside. He says that instead of having wealth, power, fame and beauty, it is possible for a person to contribute to his life by nourishing his own essence and the depths of his soul. According to Mevlana, a person should first be aware of his essence. He must meet it and grasp its reality. With the good and the bad, with its opposite poles When he was able to connect with this essence he grasped, he was able to reach happiness.
When we think of happiness as a stop to be reached or when we tie it to a condition, we also move away from it. Because now there is a condition that must be met. We must either be more beautiful, richer or stronger. Comparison with others begins. The human mind is open to conditioning from an early age. In other words, it is affected by the environment it is in. Just like a flower integrates with the soil it is in. We are largely shaped by the environment provided to us as children, such as whether it has the space, air and moisture it needs to grow, whether it has access to sufficient minerals, whether the soil is fertile or not.
Over time, we absorb the frequently repeated experiences, experiences and expressions in the environment we grew up in and engrave them in our minds. In other words, we internalize it. For example, in an environment where the importance of academic success is frequently emphasized and we receive approval, value and acceptance through success, we learn that success is the way to achieve happiness. Our root belief, “I am only happy if I am a successful, skillful, strong person,” is formed and reinforced without us realizing it. In cases where this is not the case, things may not always go as we imagined, sadness knocks on our door. A mind that is conditioned to success and attaches its value, essence and happiness to the criterion of success sees itself as worthless in the face of any uncertainty and feels defeated in the face of life. In this state, happiness overwhelms the enjoyment and enjoyment of the journey of life, and happiness becomes like a stop to be reached. Getting off at this stop becomes the ultimate goal of life. And unfortunately, the feeling of happiness that depends on a condition is tiring, it drains you and leaves you exhausted. Not being able to feel happiness while pursuing it completely wears out the human soul.
So is there a formula for happiness? First, we can start by learning to stop seeing happiness as a criterion or criterion, and to stop seeing it as a stop or a point to be reached. We can focus on realizing that happiness consists of small and short moments. Losing his wife to cancer Ricky Gervais, who plays a grumpy, cynical and resentful man, focuses on his loss and persistent pain in his series "After Life", and one day a stranger he encounters tells him this; “We live not only for ourselves but also for others. “Happiness is extraordinary, so extraordinary that it does not matter whether it belongs to us or to anyone else.” And from that moment on, life begins to have a meaning for this man, and he sees that there is something enjoyable and pleasurable about making others happy.
The root of depression lies in unrealistic negative thoughts and beliefs. “I should always be happy and cheerful” is one of them. It constitutes the entire reality of man and makes life difficult because it is conditional. However, this is not possible because emotions go up and down. Spirituality never progresses on a single plane. Author Andrew Solomon says in his speech about his depression that has been going on for years: “The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality.” Aliveness is a different form of existence than happiness. Realizing that being alive is valuable enough means being aware of our feelings, sensations, and experiences of that moment. What we do with what we have is more important than what we have. Viktor Frankl's contribution to us readers on the meaning of life is indisputable. To those who ask what I expect from this life, "What does this life expect from you?" Asking the question, Frankl opens an unconsidered and unusual door to happiness and makes us think about what is actually important. Let us have as much property, property and matter as we want in our lives, it is the moments when we create meaning, focus and add something from ourselves, and feel alive that make us exist and make life colorful.
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