Night Frights in Children
Watching their child sleep and sleeping with the sound of his/her breathing is very good for parents
I know. Unfortunately, this can happen until the age of 7-8, with children frequently entering the bedroom because they are afraid, parents falling asleep in the child's bed, and worst of all, children sleeping between their parents. Night fears are common in children starting from the age of 3-4. There may be many reasons for this situation. While this situation of a child who has night fears or refuses to sleep in his own bed sometimes indicates an emotional problem, it can sometimes be a factor that feeds the couples' inability to be a couple. A mother or father who cannot get satisfaction from their partner may receive emotional support by sleeping with their child. One of the most important reasons is the love of girls for the father and the love of boys for the mother (opposite sex parent), between the ages of 3 and 6, in what we call the "Phallic Stage", and the situation of wanting to come between the parents and refusing to see them as a couple. During this period, when parents kiss each other, they may have a tendency to become restless, jealous, become sexually curious about the mother or father, and go to bed between them. In summary, night fears may indicate an emotional problem of the child, or they may serve a periodic curiosity of the child (exploring the parent of the opposite sex). For example, a boy may be afraid at night to avoid giving his mother to his father, and thus he can sleep with his mother. If the mother is available, he can easily achieve this. If the mother objects, this time he may want to sleep with his father and get his love from his father again. While mothers or fathers easily agree to take the child to their bed with the feeling of being preferred by their children, they may not foresee what kind of a problem this situation will pose for their children.
When they reach school age, the parents of these children do not study alone, they play alone. They may come because they cannot play or they have night fears and are very timid. The child's ability to sleep alone means being able to stay on his own and be self-sufficient. Children who cannot stay alone cannot even carry out a responsibility given to them alone. They cannot even keep this in their minds.
Especially sleeping with a parent of the opposite sex and physical contact gives these children an energy that they cannot cope with and cannot understand. A boy who is kissed on the lips by his mother starting from the age of 3-4 becomes active in his body with an energy that he cannot understand, or he may experience distraction due to this situation that he cannot understand and cannot consciously experience. A child who is not mentally separated from his mother cannot take a break from this love and cannot concentrate on his responsibilities. Starting from this age, the child must sleep in his own bed and room and be bathed by the parent of the same sex. Parents should give the child responsibility for their own personal care and give them time and space.
In any bilateral relationship, the more active one party is, the more passive the other party will be. As long as we support children by meeting all their physical and cognitive needs without giving them time and opportunity and being overly protective, we will be the factor that prevents children from developing their self-sufficient capacity. It may be difficult for parents who have to go to work early in the morning to take a child who is afraid at night and comes to the bedroom every time. However, continuing to sleep with parents will cause the child's self-sufficiency skills to fail to develop. In this case, three problems may arise. A child who is sexually stimulated through skin-to-skin contact during sleep by the parent of the opposite sex cannot cope with this energy and becomes active during the day or feels guilty and withdraws. It may result in the parents not being able to accept that they are a couple apart from the parents and becoming angry. If the child accepts that the parents are a couple, he also learns that he should not enter the room without knocking on the door at midnight. On the other hand, a child who is afraid and cannot sleep alone in his room should not be forced to sleep alone by suddenly locking the door. In this case, the method we call gradual adaptation should be used and at the same time, the child should be given the awareness that the parents are a couple.
The child who can sleep in his own bed, the child who lifts his own plate and puts on his own socks; He/she will feel stronger and more sufficient. Parents generally ensure that everything is complete and as it should be, and that they immediately and quickly provide what their children need in order to keep up with the fast-paced living conditions. Instead of giving responsibilities to children so that their pain can be seen, or as a continuation of old habits, they may not give them responsibilities even when they grow up. You can say, "We need to leave right away and we can't wait for him to put on his shoes at the door," but you can help him learn by playing a game of putting on shoes during playtime so that he can put them on more competently when leaving the house.
Your children will grow up physically beyond your control, but spiritually, you and your environment are responsible for them. It will be enriched within the framework of the field it provides.
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