Although it is known that personality development continues throughout a person's life, the foundations of personality development and structuring are laid in the first 5-6 years. A child's ability to be harmonious and balanced depends entirely on overcoming the developmental stages correctly and successfully. The biggest responsibility in successfully overcoming these steps belongs to the parents.
For our parents, giving love to their children in a consistent, continuous and balanced way is as important as giving the child the nutrition necessary for his/her life.
When we look at the research conducted; Although the increase in working mothers in today's conditions creates fears that children will be neglected and their development will be retarded, no difference has been observed between children whose mothers work and children who do not work in their personality traits, development of interests, autonomy and self-confidence. What affects children is not the mother's work, but the quality of the relationship established with the mother, its continuity and whether it is based on trust.
Research results show that children who have a secure relationship with their fathers are more social, more academically successful and more self-confident ( Yörükoğlu, 1996)
Family members should not forget that children learn by taking models. That's why what is done is more important than what is said. For example; when your parent smokes; Explaining how harmful cigarettes are and how they should not be smoked will not have the desired effect on the child.
Family members should not forget that the child is also an individual, and should give him the right to speak and learn his ideas. It should not be forgotten that every attitude applied towards the child is very effective on the child's personality. Each family has many attitudes that they apply in their own way. These are;
Overprotective Attitude
Overprotective attitude is defined as the family protecting the child too much and putting too much emphasis on it. It is usually seen in children conceived late, only girls or only boys, and firstborn children. Such children have difficulties in making their own decisions and taking responsibility for themselves because the child needs to be protected, looked after and met by his family. He got used to it. Since the child does not allow himself to encounter dangers, his abilities and problem-solving skills do not develop. It should not be forgotten that feeding the child even though he can eat his own food, taking his bag from him even though he can carry it, and tidying up his room and toys is not a sign of love, but an obstacle to the child's development and awareness of taking responsibility. They perceive changes in daily life as anxiety and threat, and they need a protector throughout their lives.
Imbalanced Attitude
Unbalanced attitude is not the lack of discipline at home, but the lack of discipline. It is the indecision between reactions. The parent oscillates between an overly permissive attitude and a harsh, punitive attitude. This situation causes confusion in the child, causing him/her to be unable to determine which attitude and behavior is unwanted and when, where and what he/she should do and what he/she should not do. This may be the parent's changing attitude from time to time, or it may be seen as the different attitudes of the mother and father. Parents can sometimes punish a situation that they consider normal. This situation is usually related to the parent's mood and psychology. When families are tired or angry, they become more intolerant and may punish even behavior that they generally perceive as normal, as something that should not be done. Children who grow up with such inconsistent attitudes in their future lives; They are inconsistent and insecure people and cannot be firm about their value judgments. They experience unstable relationships and have difficulty making decisions.
Authoritarian Attitude
The pressure on the child is quite intense in parents who exhibit this attitude. The child is not allowed to make mistakes. It is expected that the behavior that is considered right and good by the society will be exhibited and will be appreciated by the whole environment. These families do not show their love much. Love is shown only when the behavior is appreciated, approved and desired. These families often do not exchange ideas with their children. It doesn't matter what they want or think. The family expects unconditional acceptance of its demands. When we look at the social relations dimension, parents allow their children to be friends only with people they choose and approve. What food will your child eat? Parents decide how much of that food they will eat. Although they do not allow any of their friends to go to their home, they are in favor of planning, scheduling and over-ordering the child's life. Children of parents with this attitude may become individuals prone to experience inferiority complex in the future, as they are constantly exposed to criticism. Over time, this situation may turn into aggression, and pressure and excessive discipline make it difficult for the child to accept himself and lead to results such as disharmony. When we look at the research, high levels of anger have been found in children who grew up with this attitude.
Over-tolerant Attitude
This attitude is more like where every request is made in order not to hurt or upset the child, and it is too much for the child. It is an attitude that shows freedom, no control, and tolerance, sometimes even to the point of neglect. These children have extreme freedom of movement and behavior. The child makes decisions about issues such as eating, sleeping hours and going out. The child's wishes and demands are accepted unconditionally. Since it is not known what is right or wrong in children without any boundaries, children cannot feel belonging, they are self-centered, rebellious and aggressive behaviors can be observed, and they cannot cooperate because they have no boundaries. They are unsuccessful in socialization and bilateral relations. They experience the biggest problem when they encounter the rules when they start school. Since they have easily achieved what they want since birth, they become insatiable children.
Neglectful Attitude
Families displaying this attitude generally do not supervise their children, do not take responsibility for them, do not pay enough attention to their illnesses, They do not provide guidance, deprive them of attention and love, and do not attach importance to their nutrition and education. As long as the child does not disturb the family, there is no agenda related to the child, but if the child disturbs the family, it may come to the family's agenda. This attitude usually occurs in large families with children; It is seen in families who cannot fully embrace the responsibilities of being a parent or who generally exhibit a self-centered attitude. Children who grow up with this attitude may damage the environment to attract attention because they are deprived of attention throughout their lives. theory with family Due to the limited verbal communication, delay in language-cognitive development, delayed speech or speech disorders may be observed. As people who lack future goals, they strive for instant gratification. They often become introverts by not being able to socialize.
Democratic Attitude
Families with this attitude generally support their children but also impose restrictions on them. While they listen to their wishes and demands, they also set rules for them and expect compliance with these rules. Mutual verbal communication is strong. In these families, the child is also an individual and has the right to say. The rights of the child are always considered. The child is encouraged to take responsibility by allowing him/her to make decisions. In these families, it is a priority for their children to become independent individuals. The child grows up with love and respect and learns to show it. They are encouraged not to remain silent, but to speak, to demand their rights and to express their wishes and demands. The child is guided, but the responsibility for the decisions he can make is given to him. Children who grow up with this attitude become helpful, friendly, social individuals, who respect the rights of others and are sensitive to their needs, who can express their thoughts easily, who are self-confident and aware of their responsibilities.
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