Have you ever fallen in love with a narcissistic individual? I am talking about the personality structure called normalized narcissism, which is the biggest problem of the age, I am sure you have experienced such a relationship. They are people with a personality organization who hurt you in subtle ways, who tend to hurt you a little more even though you say it hurts more each time, and who inflict psychological violence beyond physical violence.
Let's first get to know narcissism according to mythology. According to Greek mythology, there were countless gods in the world. These gods had certain responsibilities. While mythology describes the gods, it says that they are in human silhouettes and that they can have relationships. According to the mythological story of narcissism, there is a very handsome hunter named Narcissus, and this hunter is asked to be punished by the gods for not paying attention to the girl who loves him and causing her death.
One day, Narcissus goes to the riverside to drink water. When he bends down to drink water from here, he sees the beauty of his own face and body reflected in the water. He is fascinated by this beauty that he could not notice before. He can't get up, he has fallen in love with himself. He loved his own image as much as he had never loved anyone else before. In that way, he could neither drink water nor eat there. Just like the girl who fell in love with him, Narcissus begins to melt away day by day and spends his life there just watching himself. After he dies, his body turns into daffodil flowers.
It is More Seen in Men
As you can understand from the mythological story, narcissism acted on the male figure and got its name in this way. Research conducted in recent years shows that most of the population is men. If we have a chance to evaluate relationships and frame them accordingly, they consist of men with narcissistic tendencies and women who are dependent on them.
In people with a narcissistic personality structure, the self is structured in two ways: the self they present to the outside world and the true self. The self they present to the outside world is the feeling of being very important, exaggerating their achievements and abilities, expecting to be known as a superior person without showing sufficient success. Unlimited success, power, intelligence â, striving for beauty or perfect love, believing that one is special and unique. It is seen as wanting to be liked by people, exploiting others' weaknesses for one's own sake, and reacting to criticism with anger, shame or humiliation. The core self of the narcissistic structure is; Because they cannot love themselves, they do not know how to love others. Since the slightest negative criticism creates a rupture in the structure, they can show above-average reactions. We should not expect him to understand other people's feelings and thoughts because his empathy skills are not strengthened.
It has been observed that people with a narcissistic spouse experience self-confidence problems over time. The main reason for this is that the narcissist spouse constantly tries to criticize and humiliate the other party in order to suppress his/her own feeling of inadequacy. This situation creates a shake in the spouse's self-confidence and causes men and women to compete, damaging their relationships. The narcissistic spouse constantly acts in expectation. He does not express his expectations clearly and expects the other party to understand, but his wife cannot meet this expectation because it is not expressed verbally. The narcissist spouse thus continues to complain that his or her spouse is inadequate and does not meet his or her expectations.
Living with a Narcissistic Spouse
Don't you now feel like your relationship is like the combination of two tired souls caught in a power dance?
If your answer is 'yes', let's continue reading, so what should we do?
You should know yourself well. If we had a trusting relationship with someone who cared for us as a child, we choose our partner accordingly in our future lives and turn to people who do not deceive us with dreams. However, if we have experienced the opposite of this situation, we choose our partner accordingly and experience the same negative relationship together again. One thing you should remember is that no one has a perfect childhood. What is important is how your childhood reflects on your current life.
You must accept the facts. Remember that your partner, as well as yourself, may have strengths and weaknesses. You need to know that you can keep love alive without hiding the flaws and flaws. There is no expectation of perfection in healthy relationships. He gives his love to a person by giving him the freedom to be himself. They do not expect him to act according to their own needs; they think that these needs should be questioned.
You need to determine your limits. When determining your boundaries, there should be neither intertwined nor disconnected lines. The couple must be able to set boundaries that are appropriate for both parties.
You must invest in the relationship. When we say adult relationship, partners should respect each other and treat each other equally. When one party is giving and the partner is at the receiving end, the balance in the relationship is disrupted. In a love relationship, the position of receiver and giver should be equal. Sometimes, when we do not express our demands verbally, we ask them to read our brain, which is a wrong attitude. We must be sure of our own value and express it clearly at the point of 'wanting and receiving'.
Keep your Self to yourself when falling in love..
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