Marriage; It is a highly complex and ever-changing relationship. Two people come together to spend a lifetime with each other, celebrating and legalizing their devotion in a ceremony. In fact, they also face the problem that will continue throughout their marriage. They get married by achieving their purpose, but do they live together because they want to live together or because they have to? Undoubtedly, this is related to how spouses define and perceive their relationship styles. For example, a woman may not want to live with her husband but married due to social pressure, or the woman acts as if she doesn't care about her husband at all, but when their relationship is examined, it can be seen that she has developed a dependent relationship with her husband. When the compulsory and voluntary qualities of a marriage reach a balance, the marriage starts to go well, the spouses begin to get satisfaction from their relationship. In every marriage, there are some difficulties due to tradition and culture, legal reasons. In summary, if a marriage has become completely compulsory and completely voluntary, it is inevitable that problems will arise in this marriage. If one of the spouses constantly expresses that he cannot do without the other, this spouse tends to define the marriage relationship as a compulsory relationship, and if the spouse receives this message and takes a position accordingly, their relationship turns into a completely compulsory relationship. If the spouses perceive their marriage as a completely obligatory relationship in a marriage, all the excitement of the marriage disappears and conflicts begin between the spouses.
There are areas that the spouses have to agree on during the marriage process. In the marriage bond; -who will do what,
-Do they have the right to interfere in each other's affairs
-What will the other do when one spouse is angry (when one is angry, the other should console him like a baby….)
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-Who will decide who they will be close or friends with
-who will bear the burden of marriage…..such as
If there is going to be a happy marriage, couples need to come to an agreement in such areas.
Newly married spouses usually set certain rules to solve this problem when they have a certain problem in their relationship;
a) rules where spouses can talk openly with each other. For example, once a week the friends of the man of the house
b) Rules that spouses can't talk about openly but are accepted when stated by an observer. For example;
c) Rules observed by an observer but not accepted by the spouses. For example: one of the spouses behaves with the perception that they have the right to constantly attack the other, and the other behaves in a way that is constantly on the defensive against this situation.
While the spouses were tolerant towards each other in the first days of marriage, there was no question of who would do what and to what extent in time. They enter into a struggle. In this struggle, they solve their problems while determining which areas to follow which rules. The marriage process is a constant effort to set a rule. For example, even reaching an agreement that they don't have to agree on everything is setting a rule. Sometimes, even the most sane spouses may argue about issues that do not fill the core of figs, and most of these fights are the result of the battle over who will set the rules. The main reason why spouses brutally attack each other with intense emotions in such fights is that couples were brought up in different families with different rules in force. “Every person receives effective training from his own family on how people should deal with each other,” says Jay Halay.
Each family has its own atmosphere, emotional tone, behavior patterns. For this reason, each individual reflects the emotional tone and behavior pattern he receives from his family to his own marriage.
As a result, there are rules to be followed in any marriage, and while the spouses continue their lives together, they come to an agreement on which rules they will follow and who will set these rules. This agreement forms the basis of all areas in the marriage process.
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