What kind of psychological preparation is needed before making the decision to get married and saying "yes"? Because in many couples, while their marital status is married, their mental state can remain single:
We think that a person who has decided to get married of his own free will feels ready for marriage. At this point, determining what an individual who is ready for marriage looks like is a matter of course. It will further help the individual understand whether he or she is ready for marriage. If we assume that the basis of a healthy society consists of healthy families, we can better understand the importance of this decision. Before marriage, it is important for the couple to have a relationship that knows each other well enough to be aware of each other's sensitive characteristics, indispensable emotional needs such as bonding, understanding, trust, love and respect, seek a common solution to any problems that may arise, and respect each other's decisions. It is important for a person who thinks "Yes, I want to get married now" to know what he is looking for in the person he wants to marry as his wife. The question of what he is looking for is mostly related to his own emotional or physical needs. Being aware of these guides the person towards choosing the right partner. Of course, it is quite natural for a person to look for the person with whom he believes he can find peace in marriage when making a decision, even if the criteria he is looking for are not always fully met. Research shows that choosing similar partners instead of opposites leads to more harmony and happiness. Being ready for marriage requires motivation in three dimensions; The first is the biological motivation, which is the desire to continue one's own generation, to protect oneself and to get pleasure, and the second is; Psychological motivation related to being liked, feeling valuable, loving and being loved, establishing a bond, and the third one is; It is the pleasure of complying with social rules, meeting social expectations and gaining respect accordingly.
Is the secret of a happy marriage hidden in love or logic?
When we think that everything in our lives is changing, we should consider it natural that our feelings towards our spouse, whom we married very much in love, also change. Of course, the desired change is always possible for spouses to experience. n positivity, loving, understanding each other and being in a developing mature love. However, ignoring the problems in each other and their relationships before marriage due to the mere existence of love, having unrealistic expectations about marriage, realizing that the couples' habits are incompatible with each other, and the belief that love can solve every problem unfortunately cause the emotional change between couples to go in a negative direction. . The love that couples feel for each other should be in the direction of developing and protecting their marriage rather than destroying it. This is not a situation that can only be achieved through love, it must have logic in play.
When do the biggest crises occur? What needs to be done to overcome crises?
The biggest crises generally arise from not being able to determine the right communication style in the face of a problem. These communication errors, also known as the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse and resulting in a crisis, are as follows:
Accusation: It is the first horseman of the apocalypse and is intended for attack. Unlike complaints, it is in the form of negative criticism towards the personality. Statements like “You always think only of yourself, you are so cruel” are indicators of this communication error. Instead of; “I understand your priorities and I assume you are worried about not being met, is there anything I can do for you?” approach may direct the spouse to be a little more empathetic. When expressing a problem, we should focus on that person's behavior that we find unpleasant, not on the personality. While expressing the impact it has on us, we should also try to understand the need that leads to that unpleasant behavior.
Defense:The spouse who is accused or criticized always reacts by defending himself. In fact, defense is also a kind of accusation. A statement such as "I got fined because you said 'Don't park your car here, you might get a fine, otherwise I wouldn't have been fined, you called the bad guy'" is a defensive style that includes accusations. Instead, the words "I should have taken your warnings more into consideration" can end the conflict.
Stone Building: When accusations, criticism, and humiliations reach their peak, individuals close themselves off and get out of their minds. don't express past z. However, this is an escape and just covering up the problem, and the problem will show itself again at the first opportunity. Instead, it would be more beneficial to take a break from the discussion and continue after calming down.
Humiliation: Interpreting, sarcasm, belittling, and sarcastic conversations disrupt the hygiene in communication. . Instead of a sentence like "Your mind can only work so much", say "This is also a good idea, but let's try to think of other alternatives just in case. We can implement whichever one we like, what do you say?" A statement like this will save communication.
What are the issues that men and women have the most problems with during marriage?
The most problems in marriage arise due to the sharing of housework, child care, financial balance, the end of love, and power struggles. Differences in political and religious views and beliefs can sometimes cause conflict, and these conflicts decrease as the marriage progresses. Again, jealousy is one of the biggest causes of conflict. Communication problems arise when the jealous spouse blocks the other spouse or speaks accusingly, causing the relationship to become incompatible. We see the inability to have a pleasant time together and the disruption of sexual life as other major conflict issues.
What should be done for happiness and happiness in marriage?
Marital relationship is like an investment tool. Investing in the relationship and in each other is a way to maintain a healthy balance. To achieve this, we can list the things that need to be done as follows:
Spouses should listen to each other with respect when they talk about their own values, goals, and problems (even if they are about each other).
Behavior should be displayed in a way that ensures that spouses trust each other and know that they will not abandon each other.
Spouses should also not doubt that they will be together in bad times and should have a friendly relationship that can keep each other's secrets.
They should feel mental closeness.
They should support each other's personal development and not underestimate each other. li.
They should make them feel that they belong to each other.
They should make them feel that they are safe around each other.
They should make them feel their love for each other.
They should accept each other's mistakes and support them in overcoming them.
They should have regular sexual intercourse. life.
Joint activities.
Exclusion of the couple's own parents from the marital relationship.
Using more positive nonverbal messages
Consistency in nonverbal messages used
More conciliatory discussion of disagreements
Provided that these items are not available; In married life, individuals feel inadequate and emotionally unsettled, and as a result of this, a decrease in problem-solving skills causes anger, hostility, inadequate communication and a low level of emotional sharing between couples. Although a happy marriage is created as a result of successful planning and effort, it is also an institution that must be protected throughout the process. Marriage relationship also requires communication, harmony, and acceptance of duties and responsibilities.
Are there critical periods in marriages? For example, 6th month, 5th year, 10 years etc... It may not be right to give such a numerical value. When we consider that marital experiences wear and develop the marriage, our relationship age is more important than the age of the marriage. We can say that it has gained more importance. However, some studies indicate that marital satisfaction within the first six years of marriage decreases significantly compared to the first years, and that significant changes occur especially in the first and second years of marriage. However, we can take a look at certain periods in marriage rather than years. For example, we can say that the first years of marriage are the most difficult period in terms of establishing harmony and cooperation and developing different attitudes towards the relationship. This difficult period ends with how quickly the spouses understand each other, get to know each other, are aware of their differences and trust each other, and a more enjoyable process begins. However, in the first years of marriage, communication A negative relationship and lack of marital satisfaction may suggest that the future of the relationship is not very bright. After a certain period of time, the desire to become a parent and after having a child, the marriage relationship passes to another dimension. When most of the energy is spent on the child, the spouses may feel worthless (for each other) and this may deteriorate the quality of the marriage. To prevent this from happening, it is important for couples to increase their sharing between them.
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