Loneliness is the subject of most movies, poems and books, a situation that is healing for some people and frightening for others. Does the person who is alone interpret his situation as helplessness, as a precious time belonging to himself, or as a situation that is difficult to bear? Even with these few questions, it seems that the issue of loneliness can be discussed in a very deep and wide range, regarding the meaning that a person attaches to it and the way he perceives it. Melaine Klein, in her article titled "The Capacity to Be Alone", said that for the first time, a person experiences this experience by being alone with a caregiver nearby. Two people are side by side, but they are busy with other things and are actually alone. Klein said this was a paradox. As an extension of this situation, we can assume that people learn to experience loneliness within the existence of a person, and that loneliness becomes functional when the person has a space to establish relationships when he/she demands it. He may think that he is doomed to loneliness, thinking about its meaning and importance and coming to the conclusion that he can never be fully understood and that no one will be by his side without benefit. A person's desire to be understood and supported may cause him to misperceive and interpret various behaviors of the people around him. It is characterized by searching for the other, longing for the other's presence, and not being able to find an answer to this demand. Not being able to respond to an existing demand may also cause a person to have trust issues with people.
Loneliness, which is often considered together with experiences of separation and abandonment, can cause trust problems in interpersonal relationships in this context. It is parallel to experiencing helplessness in the world where we exist against our will.
Low level of perceived social support and the person complaining of loneliness are interrelated.
A study conducted in our country showed that loneliness has a positive relationship with the tendency to avoid harm. Individuals with low harm avoidance have been found to be more extroverted. Start from here We can interpret that people avoid establishing relationships because they are afraid of being harmed. It can be said that people prefer to be alone rather than being harmed, receiving negative criticism, or being treated badly. However, it cannot be argued that these people are happy and peaceful in their loneliness.
French thinker Michel Foucault said, “If a person cannot manage to be alone, he cannot be with others.” he said. According to Klein, the capacity to be alone is one of the important steps of maturity and self-realization. On the other hand, being on one's own can also be a free space where a person is left alone with his own decisions, ideals, thoughts, in short, his perceptions of himself and the environment.
This is undoubtedly a freedom that can pave the way for a person to solve problems, interpret, evaluate perspectives and realize himself. Namely, this is loneliness as a preference; it does not cause the person feelings of pain and loneliness, but rather a feeling of satisfaction. These people can reveal and create something when they are alone. Under these conditions, loneliness begins when the person wants and needs it, and ends when the person does not want it. Therefore, it is an extremely constructive process that supports a person's creativity and self-actualization ideal.
Loneliness can be handled in various ways by people who work on it in line with the meaning given by the person. Irvin Yalom says that a person must accept that he is inevitably alone and that he is faced with three types of isolation. These; interpersonal, intrapersonal and existential isolation (Yalom, 1980).
Yalom states that interpersonal isolation is experienced as loneliness and is experienced as a result of the person's lack of social skills, personality pattern (schizoid, judgmental), and conflicting feelings about closeness. He says that a person's internal isolation occurs when he suppresses his emotions and thoughts, postpones his wishes, and reluctantly does things he thinks are necessary. The person is isolated from himself within himself, isolated by himself within himself.&nb sp;
Existential isolation is the issue that Yalom particularly focuses on. When a person is alone, he has to face all his fears and anxieties alone. He says that as a result of confronting this loneliness, one can connect to other people in a deeper and more meaningful way. At this point, we support what Foucault said with Yalom's ideas. A person must accept that he is alone, only in this way can he establish healthy relationships, he is lonely but not lonely. Yalom: “Death is the loneliest human experience.” he says. You can love someone very much, risk death for them, sacrifice everything, but death is something that a person experiences alone (Yalom, 1980).
Loneliness helps a person find meaning by getting rid of a painful experience, At the point where it allows him to express his creativity and realize himself and his ideals, it can become an indispensable support. A person who can enjoy being alone in his own field, with his own responsibility and freedom, has been able to master one of the most genuine truths about his own nature. A person is lonely and must be able to tolerate boundaries, individuality and personal space in his interpersonal relationships.
“loneliness means silencing
It means carving yourself with your own voice,
your inner body tooth by tooth,
dream. dream
is to expand.” (Toptaş, 1990)
Read: 0
