The new training period will start next week. Many preparations will be made this week and stationery, school supplies and clothes will be purchased. There will be a sweet excitement in many families, but especially in children.
This is a repetitive process and many articles are written on this subject every year. It is generally rightly viewed from the perspective of children, and those who have a say are child-adolescent psychiatrists. Expert friends share very useful information with us (such as the child's separation anxiety, adaptation to school, what approach should be taken?)
As an adult psychiatrist, it would be more appropriate for me to discuss school life from the perspective of adults (mother and father). In this respect, I would like to share my thoughts with you, both as a physician and as a father.
* Do not worry!
It is our common wish for our children to receive a good education and to be useful individuals for our society. For this reason, parents consider their child's education as a primary duty and face many financial and moral difficulties. Sometimes, even though the mother and father are doing their primary duties, they act knowingly or unknowingly as if they were helping the child, and this behavior is wrong and the result is bad. The child strives not for himself but to please his parents and gain their favor, and after experiencing a non-long-term education process, he abandons his education as an individual without ideals. While education should be a lifelong process, it ends before or immediately after receiving a diploma. Families should be able to tell their children, "The education process is a process that you must continue throughout your life in order to improve yourself and accept as a basic condition to achieve your ideals, and please strive to think of yourself, not us, while going through this process." They should definitely stay away from a dismissive approach (statements such as "I didn't eat, I didn't drink, I made you study, I left the environment for you"). It should not be forgotten that no child should ask his parents "Should I go to school?" Should my school be a public school or a private school? Would you like private lessons? Mothers and fathers take initiative and make decisions on their own, so it would not be appropriate to leave the child indebted.
* Be a role model!
Society's check. The institution of the family forms its core, and if family members are healthy, we can talk about a healthy society. Similarly, if the mother and father are healthy individuals, the child starts life as a healthy individual. Mother and father are role models. In this context, it is absurd for parents to be bad role models and then expect success and effort from the child. The main reason why there is no reading habit in our society is the mother and father who are bad role models for their children by not reading books at home. How logical can it be for parents who watch TV or play with their phone or computer to expect their child to study and become a successful individual? What is the point of words if there is no action (if the mother and father say "study" but he does not read a line)? Mother and father, please be a good role model for your child.
* “Oh, what will happen after reading?” Do not act with this thought!
Mothers and fathers who think and act too freely may fall short of their primary duty of educating their child. They may have raised undisciplined, uneducated, and unproductive individuals for the sake of society. Mothers and fathers who use expressions such as "Don't let my child be upset, he'll figure it out later, let his teachers handle it, what use will this information have in his life anyway?" do more harm than good to their child, and they beat their knees as they get older. In the future, “where did we go wrong? In order not to say that, mom and dad, please give your child education, training and discipline appropriate to his/her current age in a timely manner.
* Do not miss the dose!
“My child must be the best and most successful student, how can that happen? Does it get 95 instead of 100? How can he get that question wrong? How can he not earn in return for the effort he puts in? If you hear these statements, know that you are a perfectionist parent and are about to overwhelm your child with your excessive attention and expectations. How can parents who do homework before their children, who do not allow their children to take initiative in assigned tasks, and who do not give them responsibility can prepare their children for the future? How can a child stand on his feet without leaning on his parents? Do not overdo being a protective and protective mother and father and destroy your child before he can exist in real life.
* Determine the needs carefully!
When needs are mentioned, financial issues come to the forefront in the father's mind. ir: "He eats well, what he doesn't eat is left behind, we took everything, his pocket money is in his pocket, what more can I do?" For the mother, the most important issues are taking care of all the child's affairs: "I vacuumed my hair, I do everything, I even clean his room, I didn't let his hand dip from hot water to cold water." Are these really needs? Emotional sharing, time sharing, sharing troubles, being a guide on the path of life, sharing experiences, allowing self-expression, being understood, respecting, valuing, experiencing love together and many other needs should be met by mothers and fathers during the day. Time periods spent having family meetings in the evenings are suitable to meet these needs. Mother and father should be able to talk to their children like two friends, not as authority figures.
* I was a child once, too!
We should not deny empathy to our child, who is our most precious being. Once upon a time, we, too, were children and were negatively affected by the faulty behavior of our parents. Today the roles changed and we became parents. It is time for us to remember the statements we have written down in our brains, saying, "I will never do this behavior to my child, I will never say such words." Please remember and keep your word.
If writing long articles was a skill, we could find more advice to write. However, the trick is to give advice that can both be read and put into practice as soon as it is read. Schools start on Monday and that's all from me: please think about what you read and turn it into action. Stay healthy.
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