Sometimes it can take a long time for your heart to accept a situation that your mind perceives very well. I was in a place like this last year. I was searching for ways to accept a situation that made my heart ache. Losing my father showed me for the first time in my life that all struggles to escape pain will eventually lead us to a dead end. Because although it is known in theory that pain exists and is inescapable, in daily life we sometimes live in the opposite direction unless we have to. Because we are programmed very adversely to pain. We cannot bear the pain, we do not deem it worthy, and we keep chasing those who will bring us pleasure. During my mourning process, there were different voices around me that I heard; Consisting of words such as 'life goes on', 'you need to pick up and start over' and so on... So don't stay in the pain, pick yourself up as fast as you can and leave. Of course, I didn't like pain like all other people. I was searching for how to start over with a sublime pain that I felt in all the depths of my being. I was waiting for an answer to come from my mind, which remained silent more than ever in the face of this question. I was quite surprised by the response; A more straightforward answer than my mind is accustomed to such a complex question; "With this pain.."
Waiting for the pain to pass means never being able to move on. This applies not only to the pain of mourning but to all pain experienced by human beings. Even though we are programmed to escape from pain, it is the worst thing we will encounter. Maybe the big test is this; "How do we face the pain that life brings us?" Maybe we complain about the reasons and make endless efforts to change the situation with endless thoughts. Until he faces irreversible death. Perhaps we are struggling endlessly to make our future, which is never completely predictable, controllable so that we will never experience such pain again. So we try to make the vague perfectly certain. We try to control what we cannot control here and now with thought and minimize the possibility of pain. These days of ours It takes time, years, and perhaps our entire lives. That's how afraid we are of pain. However, human beings experience the deepest transformations when they take pain with them, incorporate it into themselves, and take steps to find a new path with it. Because the pain experienced adds meaning and value to both the person himself and the work he does for others. Because our wounds become a gap that allows light to enter, through them we can see the truth more clearly and find a way that is more compatible with the reality we see.
If we go back to the question of how I will continue... Even though I don't feel brave about this new page of my life, I will continue by being courageous while looking for a new way to make my life meaningful again. By opening the deepest, most special place in my heart to pity, I will hold the difficult emotions I encounter along the way by embracing them with compassion instead of ignoring or pushing away the unpleasant ones.
I will continue my life by taking small steps on a new path, with this deep pain that elevates my soul...
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