Loss and Grief Process in Children (Symptoms, Crisis and Interventions)

Most young children are aware of death, even if they do not understand it. Death is a common theme in cartoons and television, and some of your child's friends may have already lost loved ones. But experiencing grief firsthand is a different and often confusing process for children.

Children may experience loss and grief over:

• The death of a family member or friend

• A death of pet

• Separated parents or family separation

• Moving to a new home or school

• Loss of a favorite toy or comforter

• Change of teachers or classes

• Loss of a friendship or friend

• Having a disability or medical illness

• Learning that a family member is sick

• Loss due to a crisis - fire, flood, accident

They may experience many emotions such as:

• Sadness

• Relief

• Disbelief

• Crime

• Frustration

• Fear

• Anger

• Panic

• Shock

• Confusion

• Anxiety

• Numbness

• Longing

• Lack of emotion

Children who have serious problems with grief and loss may show one or more of these symptoms:

• A long period of depression in which the child loses interest in daily activities and events

• Inability to sleep, loss of appetite, fear of being alone for a long time

• Retardation in behavior and speech for a long time (down to infancy)

• Excessive imitation of the dead person

• Believing that they talked or met with the deceased family member for a long time

• Repeated statements about wanting to go to the dead person

• Withdrawal from friends

• Sharp decline in school performance or not attending school reject

Specify this If it persists, professional help may be required. A child and adolescent psychiatrist or other qualified mental health professional can help the child accept the death and help others assist the child through the grieving process. As a parent, you cannot protect a child from the pain of loss, but you can help him or her feel safe. And by allowing and encouraging him to express his feelings, you can help him develop healthy coping skills that will serve him well in the future.

Children grieve differently

After losing a loved one, a child can go from crying to playing the game the next minute. His mood swings do not mean that he is not sad or that he is done grieving; Children cope differently than adults, and playing can be a defense mechanism to prevent the child from becoming overwhelmed. It's also normal to feel depressed, guilty, anxious, or angry toward the deceased or someone else entirely. Very young children may regress and start wetting the bed again or revert to baby talk.

Encourage a grieving child to express their feelings

It is good for children to express the emotions they are feeling. . There are many good children's books about death, and reading them together can be a great way to start a conversation with your child. Because many children cannot express their feelings with words, other helpful resources include drawing pictures, creating a scrapbook, looking at photo albums, or telling stories.

Be developmentally appropriate

It is difficult to know how a child will respond to death or whether they will be able to grasp the concept. Don't volunteer to give too much information, as it can be overwhelming. Try to answer their questions instead. Very young children often do not realize what death is, they are indifferent and may think that if they do their job and eat their food, a dead loved one will come back. As psychiatrist Gail Saltz explains, "Children understand that death is bad and they don't like separation, but the concept of forever doesn't exist."

Older, school-age child Children understand the permanence of death, but they may still have many questions. Do your best to answer honestly and clearly. Of course, it's okay if you can't answer everything; The important thing is to be open to your child.

Talk to children about grief and loss

Breaking the news of death to a child is never easy, but feel heard and supported in the process. It is important for them to know and feel. Here are some tips to help:

• Try to be as honest and open as possible about what happened

• Use age-appropriate language so it's easier for them to understand happens

• Use concrete words - for example, say "died" or "death"

• "Sleep" or "pass away" Avoid using euphemisms like "

• Listen to them - it's okay not to have all the answers right now

• Speak calmly and consistently Answer your child's questions accordingly

• Be patient - they may need to hear the answers several times to process

• Story to help explain what happened You can use books, toys, and games

• Let them know they can talk to you whenever they want

• If you're feeling very upset, ask another adult you trust to talk to your child.

• Encourage them to express their feelings by sharing your own feelings.

Evaluate attending the funeral

Whether or not to attend the funeral is a personal decision that depends entirely on you and your child. Funerals can help provide closure, but some children are not ready for such an intense experience. Never force a child to attend a funeral. If your child wants to go, make sure you prepare him for what he will see. Explain that funerals are very sad occasions and some people will probably cry. If there is going to be a coffin, you should prepare it for that too. Remember that even the best prepared child can become angry and his behavior can be unpredictable. Dr. Saltz says, "Children are not as you would want or expect them to be." "If you decide that a funeral is not the best way, there are other ways to say goodbye." Planting a tree, sharing stories, or releasing balloons can be good alternatives to provide closure to a child.

Discuss life after death

Dr. Saltz says the idea of ​​life after death can be very helpful to a child going through the grieving process. If you have religious beliefs about life after death, now might be a good time to share them. But even if you're not religious, you can still comfort your child with the concept that a person lives on in the hearts and minds of others. You can also create a scrapbook or add something that represents the person you lost.

Don't ignore your own grief

Don't ignore your own grief

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Children will often imitate their parents' grieving behavior. It is important to show your emotions as it reassures children that it is okay to be sad or feel sad. However, reacting explosively or uncontrollably teaches your child unhealthy ways to cope with grief.

Stick to routines

Children find great comfort in routines, so If you need some alone time, try to find relatives or friends who can help keep your child's life as normal as possible. While it's important to grieve the death of a loved one, this is also an important step in helping your child understand that life goes on.

Some special times There may be situations

For many children, the death of a pet will be their first exposure to death. The bonds children form with their pets are very strong, and the death of a family pet can be extremely distressing. Do not minimize its importance or immediately replace the dead pet with a new pet. Instead, give your child time to grieve for their dog or cat. This is an opportunity to teach your child about death and grief in a healthy and emotionally supportive way. The death of a grandparent is also a common experience for young children, and "Mommy will be next." It can raise many questions, such as: "Is it possible?" It is important to tell your child that you will probably live a long time. After the death of a parent, children will naturally worry about the death of the remaining parent or other caregivers. You can reassure a child that he or she is loved and will always be cared for. During this time, additional It may be a good idea to rely on family members to help provide care. Dr. Saltz also recommends treatment in the event of a serious death, such as the death of a parent or sibling. "Therapy is another outlet for conversation when a child feels unable to talk to other family members because they are grieving "

 

Try to solve serious problems with treatment (get psychological support)

If your child seems unusually sad and feels grief and If you find that he is unable to cope with his loss, he may have something called adjustment disorder.Adjustment disorder is a serious and distressing condition that some children develop after experiencing a painful or devastating event. If you think your child is not recovering from a loss in a healthy way, it's a good idea to consult a professional.

 

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