Grief Counseling for Adults
Is Grieving a Disease?
There is evidence that the person to whom the bond is attached grieves after the loss, albeit to varying degrees. Although the process of reflecting grief varies depending on the social-cultural environment the person is in, the loss of a loved one is psychologically traumatic as much as a serious injury or burn is physiologically traumatic. Just as the healing process of physical injuries is a painful and time-consuming process for the body to achieve homeostatic balance, the mourner also needs a certain period of time to return to a state of balance. Therefore, the mourning process is part of the healing process. As in wound healing, there may be a complete recovery or a permanent recovery with insufficient scarring.
Is It Necessary to Mourn?
Just like in the case of a physical injury, ignoring or not accepting one's wound may cause a greater risk in the future. Not only can it turn into a physical problem, but the person's suppression of his emotions or his inability to accept the loss, fearing the severity of the grief that will be experienced with the loss of a loved one with whom he has a bond, can cause more severe psychological stress. In some cases, a person cannot say goodbye to their loss, while some people may not accept or ignore the loss in the first place. When a person experiences any loss, there are certain stages of grief that must be completed in order to return to a state of balance (adaptation to loss). Although these stages do not always have to follow a specific order, they are described sequentially. Incomplete stages of grief negatively affect a person's spiritual development and resemble a wound that has not fully healed. Therefore, "Yes" mourning is a necessary process.
Four Tasks of the Mourning Process
Accepting the fact of loss
The first stage that must be completed in the mourning process is that the person has died, It is coming face to face with the fact that he is gone and will never come back. The search behavior mentioned by attachment theory is related to this stage. Many people who have experienced loss find themselves calling the lost person or comparing the people around them to the lost person. They may feel that the missing person may come again at any moment. When the reality of loss is not acknowledged, a form of “denial” is denied. Some people stop believing in the reality of death and get stuck in the first stage of the grieving process. Acceptance of the fact of loss can occur to varying degrees, from mild distortion to delusion. For example; The deceased person's belongings and room are protected and hidden so that he can find his belongings when he returns.
Another way for people to protect themselves from the reality of loss is to deny the importance of the loss. He may use expressions such as "He wasn't a good father" or "We weren't on good terms anyway." In some cases, anything that will remind them of the reality of the loss and make them face the loss can be discarded.
Another way to deny the loss is selective forgetting. Generally, people who experienced loss when they were young may have forgotten the loss when they grew up in order to remove the fact of the loss from their minds. However, even if the physical bond with the lost person is less, the loss of the role of the loss is a loss for the person. For example, someone who lost his mother when he was a child may forget about his mother and forget about the fact of the loss, or he may say, "We never shared anything, so what would I have lost?" However, in this case, there is still a loss of role and relationship. Loss of the mother role will always exist in your life.
Another way used to deny the reality of death is spiritualism. Hoping to reunite with the deceased is a normal process in the beginning, but it is not healthy for the person to constantly have such a hope.
It is normal for the anger felt in the face of the reality of the loss to be directed towards the lost object of attachment, to oneself, to the reasons for the loss, and even to those who express their condolences. . Religious rituals such as funerals, condolences, and reading the Mawlid in our culture are reinforcing in the sense of reminding the reality of the loss. In this respect, the process of acceptance may be more difficult in cases of sudden death or in cases where the body or funeral of the deceased is not seen.
Working on the Pain of Mourning
The person must realize, accept and work on the pain of loss. Everyone may not experience pain with the same intensity and with the same reactions, but it is impossible not to feel pain after the loss of a person to whom you are deeply attached. Interaction between environment and person It may be a factor that complicates this process of grief. In some societies, allowing law is seen as pathological and demoralizing. Friends or relatives may try to keep the person away from the pain.
Sometimes, people may use thought stopping methods or become numb in order not to feel the pain caused by the loss. Idealizing the deceased, staying away from things that remind them of him, and using alcohol or drugs may prevent people from completing the second stage. For example; After a loss through suicide, trying to reduce the pain by saying, "He is in a better place now and free from his pain," may cause him to suppress the anger felt at being abandoned. The mourning process can be completed in a healthy way by experiencing the basic and real emotion.
Adapting to an Environment Where the Lost Person Is Not Present
This stage means different things depending on the relationship established with the lost person and the role of the deceased in the life of the person left behind. can. Often the role of the missing person does not emerge until some time has passed since the loss. The mourner must come to terms with the loss of the role the loss previously played in his or her life. This adaptation process may also bring changes in the person's self-perception. The person may experience an intense regression in which he or she feels more inadequate, helpless, devastated, and childlike. In addition, the loss caused by death can change the person's life values and philosophy of life and make them feel like they have lost the sense of control over their lives.
As a result of not completing this stage, people who cannot adapt to the loss concentrate on their own helplessness
and try to cope. They may not develop the necessary skills.
Moving on with Living by Emotionally Placing the Deceased in a New Place
This is the process of withdrawing emotional energy from the deceased and investing it in another relationship.
is to separate one's hopes and memories from the dead (Freud, 1913). This
explanation can be confused with forgetting the loss, whereas the task of grief counseling is not to help the person left behind
forget the loss or the deceased, but to help the deceased find a suitable place in his/her emotional world and thus to continue his/her remaining life effectively. General problems that prevent this stage from being completed Relationships are not about not being able to establish new ties, but about not being able to let go of old ties. At the end of this process, the person should be able to say, "There are new people I can love, but this does not mean that I do not love my lost spouse."
Emotions in the Grief Process
Sadness: It does not always have to be accompanied by crying, but it is usually like this.
Anger: It has two sources: The feeling of frustration and lack of control experienced as a result of realizing that there is nothing that can be done to prevent death; Regressive experience following the loss of someone close. The most dangerous situation here is directing the anger towards the person's own self.
Guilt: It is usually not reasonable, it decreases when re-evaluated.
Anxiety: It can intensify from a feeling of insecurity to a panic attack.
Loneliness, Fatigue, Helplessness, Shock. , Longing, , Drowsiness
It is recommended that people who cannot cope with these feelings and cannot return to their daily lives, who have unexperienced or incomplete grief, should receive support with psychotherapy. During this process, the client is advised to
Help the person left behind understand that the loss is real
Help the person recognize their feelings and express them
Help the person to continue living
Provide time for mourning
br /> Interpreting “normal” behaviors
Allowing individual differences
Examining defense and coping methods
It may be necessary to provide continuous support in areas such as detecting pathologies and counseling.
Recommended Movies: Shrink (The Therapist), Once Upon a Time, The Power of Love (What dreams may come)
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