Almost all of us, when we encounter people who have very high standards of living, are in a very good financial situation, have a happy family life and are seen as prominent by everyone, we watch this picture with envy, perhaps with a sigh. We also think that these people have everything, that they are very happy, and that they have no problems. Is it really like this?
Former White House Deputy Counsel Vinsent Foster was one of such people. In his life before the White House, almost every aspect of his life was full of success and accolades, he graduated from law school at the top of his class, got the highest score in the Arkansas exam, was a partner of a very famous law firm, had a very nice family, was very rich and was loved by his social circle. Vinsent Foster's life ended with suicide. When doctors investigate the reason, they reveal that Foster's extreme perfectionist personality is the main reason.
So, what is perfectionism that can lead a person to suicide?
If the idea of "all or nothing" dominates your life, if you exaggerate negative details, even if they are very small, "everyone is mine" If you have a concern like "I should think I'm perfect", if you always have difficulty in making decisions about everything small or big, important or unimportant, if you believe in the utopia of "it is possible to be perfect" rather than in the truth of "human error", if you believe in the utopia of "it is possible to be perfect", if you believe in the utopia of "never, always, everyone, no one, If you use the words "absolutely" frequently, you are a perfectionist.
Here, the desire to be perfect should not be confused with perfectionism. In some periods of life, when we expect very high performance from ourselves as much as our capacity and environment allow, this is not perfectionism, but struggle and determination.
So, what kind of harm can perfectionism do to us?
It is not possible for anyone to always do everything the best and be liked and appreciated by everyone. Our perfectionist mindset forces us to do this, and when we see that it does not happen, we feel incomplete and useless. This causes us to lose our self-worth and self-confidence. Because of our ability to scrutinize and meticulously, we become so obsessed with details that this is a It hinders our productivity and causes us to constantly postpone work or fail to complete it on time. Because we think that everything should be perfect, we cannot trust anyone and cannot entrust anything. This creates problems in our social relationships.
What can we do to overcome perfectionism?
In fact, if we have perfectionism with all its symptoms, it will be very difficult to overcome it alone. For this, the support of an expert will be useful. In addition;
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Instead of approaching events with the thought of 'what do I need to do', approach them with the idea of 'what can I do, how much can I do, how much can I not do'.
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Do not have high and extraordinary expectations that are unlikely to come true. Set realistic goals that are in line with your own capacities, interests and abilities.
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Try to see what you have achieved as well as what you have not achieved in your work.
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Rather than perceiving mistakes as 'unacceptable mistakes', perceive them as 'life experiences and experiences that cannot be bought with money'.
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Have hobbies in your life that really relax you, that you can do whenever you want, just for pleasure.
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