Family attitudes are effective in the emotional, social and personality development of the individual. When we look at the basic elements in the family, we encounter definitions such as the relationship between spouses, the relationship between children and parents, bilateral relations, sibling relationships, communication, roles, coping skills, emotions, and daily functions. Within the framework of these elements, each family has its own structure and system. It also has its own rules. Just as the individual is unique, so is the family.
No family is perfect, conflict, stress, problems and mistakes happen, they are human. There may be difficult situations that the family goes through. Such as loss, mourning, shocking natural events. One of the things that form the structure of the emotional development of childhood is how family attitudes are and how they are managed in the face of ordinary or challenging events. Some family attitudes are toxic, harmful, and have a negative impact on the emotional and social development of the child/individual. To give examples of these;
The presence of physical, emotional or sexual abuse...
Whatever way the abuse occurs, whether physical, sexual or verbal, it injures the child. This causes him/her not to use his/her talents and skills well. Blaming an introvert child for his shyness and criticizing him negatively by saying "why are you like this, be a bit outgoing, look at your friends" will cause the child to criticize himself in the same way and doubt himself in the future.
Perfectionism...
This attitude, which is accepted in society, is actually paralyzing. Perfect attitude does not allow mistakes, the child who makes mistakes is constantly criticized. Thus, he always strives to do the best in the future, and his tolerance for mistakes, loss and defeat decreases.
Strict rules, rigid lifestyle and rigid beliefs...
The facts of life are perceived as black or white (all or nothing), there is only one In families where something is perceived as good and the alternatives are perceived as completely bad, intolerance towards mistakes and the negativities of life occurs. The child who witnesses this will not be able to bend his own rules in the ever-changing world and will experience difficulties.
Closedness to communication and blindness to emotions...
Problems not being talked about, fear like anger and disappointment The family environment, where emotions are ignored and not expressed, causes the child to suppress his emotions. Emotions that are suppressed too much are destructive and destructive. People who care about the opinions of outsiders and who intend to paint a picture of the perfect family around them may not discuss problems within the family, and communication remains limited. Lack of communication is devastating for family members.
Mixed messages...
You are good/bad; I love you very much/I don't love you at all; come to me/don't let me see you etc. Messages given in such extremes confuse the child's inner world and negatively affect the development of self-confidence. The child, who needs shelter the most while growing up, experiences intense trust issues in current and future relationships.
Lack of fun and pleasure...
For some families, life is serious. There is no room for fun, laughter or pleasure. Respect, framework, posture, security, discipline and system are much more important than play, fun and pleasure. A flexible attitude towards life allows one to enjoy life, rigidity causes the opposite, life turns into an enjoyable struggle.
Intertwinedness...
In families where members are intertwined, no one has their own identity. The mother's problem becomes the child's problem. Family members get angry at the same thing, happy about the same thing, and sad about the same thing. No one can act independently of each other. There are no borders, no one is separated from each other. The child who sees this becomes dependent on relationships and cannot make decisions for his own life on his own.
Every family experiences stress. The important thing is to alleviate the damage that stress can cause. In a family, being willing to compensate for mistakes made, striving to establish open and non-judgmental communication, and expressing one's own problems, sadness or fears without blaming others ensures healthy internal balance. Protecting personal boundaries, being independent and free of individuals, allowing them to be real, and having a free expression environment help individualization in life, quality social relations, being at peace with life and being self-sufficient. And perhaps the best thing is to find ways to enjoy life together…
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