Hello everyone.
(We usually do not notice our emotions in life and therefore cannot make sense of them. As a psychologist, my first advice to you is to pay attention to and examine your emotional state, emotions, and thoughts. Maybe if you spread this method into your life, you will be able to eliminate the sadness and resentment you experience. , you can better understand the reason for anger and regret.) It's a bit of a wide parenthesis, but I chose to keep the parenthesis wide because I care about this issue.
First of all, I need to point out that every transformation contains both opportunities and crises. In my opinion, the transformation we have mentioned has a positive and a negative aspect. We will be addressing these gradually.
In today's conditions, the age at which children start school has decreased to 2 years old. I think that the state's recent system change and lowering the school starting age (4+4+4) and the fact that spouses are working together are the two most important factors for children to start schools from the age of 2.
The second factor I have mentioned is exactly the same. In fact, this is the subject of our article. In general, the lifestyle I see from my clients is that their parents are in business life and their children are in school. I observe the positive aspect of this system I mentioned (which I call transformation compared to the past) as follows.
Positive Effect: Children can find the opportunity to socialize from an early age, thanks to school. At the same time, they also have the opportunity to develop because every socialization involves "development". What I mean by development here is that it is versatile and will provide ongoing benefits to them throughout their lives. Children receive training in terms of social, emotional, language and motor skills starting from an early age.
Especially while providing these, they also have the opportunity to have ample access to "game", which is the thing they enjoy doing most in life. Not only play the game individually; By playing with the group, they get the opportunity to belong to a group and observe different personality structures within the group.
Let's take a look at the negative side, which I always think of. together.
Negative Effect: We can summarize the negative effect as children spending relatively less time with their parents and parents returning tired from work life having difficulty responding to children's endless energy and desire to play.
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The following and similar sentences are generally sent by families that made me prepare this summary:
“We are working very hard. We cannot spare time for our child.”
“There is a lot of work and stress these days. When we get home, we have no energy.”
“He wants to play all the time. No matter how much we play, it's not enough. We can't get enough."
"Our child is very active, he can't sit still. He talks a lot, asks a lot of questions. We cannot take care of our child because we are out of shape.”
As I mentioned, I often hear these and similar sentences from families. I have especially focused on working mothers and fathers throughout the article, but I have also heard these sentences from a mother or father (a working person).
I would like to state that I ABSOLUTELY agree whenever I hear similar reproaches or despair. In fact, that's why I titled my article "There's a Message for You from Your Child!" I have determined it as.
I think it is time to share this message and I would like to turn this negative effect we mentioned into a positive one and offer a solution to this difficult situation that working people find themselves in with an example.
A game I am running. I will offer a solution based on what a client said during the therapy session, who did not receive the attention he expected from his parents. (Since I have permission from my client's family, I will easily share two or three dialogues.) While we were having a conversation with him about how much attention he expects from his family, he told me the following words.
Client: "When my mother comes home, she lies down on the sofa and does not want to get up. However, I want to do something with him for 15 minutes,” she said.
Me: “What do you want to do together?” I said.
The client said: "If we draw together for 15 minutes and play with dough, it will be enough for me."
The expression of sadness and loving expectation I heard constituted the message I wanted to give in this article. There are two issues I would like to draw your attention to in these dialogues.
The first is duration. How minimal and practical it actually is. While it is a long time, not implementing it can upset the child. At this point, if you say, “Sir, children always want more. If you say, "They will want this period to be increased, after a while it will not be enough," I say to you, "I wish this were possible." Because it is very natural for your child to want this, and it is a sign that there is a healthy interaction and sharing area between you. I think this will be one of the most valuable things in life for a parent.
The second is the type of activity he wants to do with his mother. By the way, the example only includes the mother, but my client had the same expectation for both parents. Of course, the child's expectations may develop depending on the person from whom he/she does not receive attention. What I want to draw your attention to is, if you come home tired, angry, stressed or anxious, wouldn't playing games be like a medicine? Especially painting or playing with dough, as in the example, will have a therapeutic effect.
As a result, in general, what your children want from you may not be to spend much time together. (I also wrote that it is a good sign if he wants to spend a lot of time)
Your children's message to you is usually: "As long as we do something together." Let's spend time having fun, learning and relaxing. Let's share emotionally. Let's feel and make others feel that we love, support, approve and tolerate each other.”
I wish you a pleasant life with your children...
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