No parent wakes up in the morning thinking that they will have problems with their child. Despite all good intentions, those undesirable wars and crisis moments eventually break out. Decisions not to become angry are futile. Anger is an emotion that cannot be ignored, underestimated or denied, especially when raising children. Emotionally healthy parents are human like everyone else; They have no miraculous powers, durability or skills. They do not have any special equipment. They are only aware of their anger. They accept and respect anger. Their expressions are consistent with their emotions. They do not hide their feelings.
Children learn their physical characteristics by looking in the mirror. They learn to recognize their emotions by listening to the emotions reflected on them. A mirror reflects what is seen as it is, without adding any criticism or compliments. It is just an image, far from any positive or negative transmission desired from the mirror. The task of mirroring the emotions of the child belongs primarily to the parents. Discovering that emotions are a natural part of human life will greatly relieve the child. When we have strong emotions, the presence of someone who listens and understands us is most important. The parent who guides the child who does not yet know or understand his emotions is an important support in his development process.
Children often do not express themselves directly when speaking. Even when they have strong emotions, they don't listen to anyone. They do not accept advice, consolation or constructive criticism. They close themselves off and expect us to understand what is going through their minds at that moment and how they feel. This can be thought of as a kind of defense mechanism. The child first tries to suppress the emotions that he cannot cope with, and then directs them towards his environment. He blames others for his confused situation. These others are often the people closest to him, namely his mother and father. At this stage, parents have a key responsibility. Children need counseling, not criticism. No matter what, a child in a tantrum should not be forced to retreat by methods such as shouting, threatening or humiliating. Of course, it is very difficult to remain calm in the face of a child who throws himself into the ground in the middle of the street because his mother did not get what he wanted. This is accompanied by the condemning looks of those around and the inappropriate advice. When negative attitudes towards the child or child are added, this is a complete crisis. In such cases, parents have to push their limits. The thing that should not be forgotten is that nothing done or said at a time of crisis will be effective. This can be described as a wave that cannot be avoided. After the tide has passed and the waters have calmed down a bit, the subject can be discussed depending on the child's age and emotional maturity. The emotions that the child is experiencing at that moment can be named (such as anger, disappointment, sadness) and the child can be helped to recognize his emotions and make sense of these emotions. What can be done in case of similar situations that may be encountered in the future can be reviewed together. Parents can clearly state what constitutes unacceptable behavior and what alternative behaviors are acceptable instead. Boundaries can of course be stretched and reshaped according to the conditions and the child's developmental characteristics. The child can also be helped to express objections that may arise when limitations are mentioned and their feelings can be mirrored. Children whose feelings and thoughts are not taken into account and respected by their parents may think that their ideas are worthless and unimportant and that they are not loved.
Parents should focus on the process of acceptance, not rejection. Ignoring the negative situations and problems experienced by the child, criticizing the child, not listening, and humiliating the child paves the way for deep gaps to open in the child's life. Sarcasm, sarcasm and all kinds of hurtful words and behavior have no place in raising children. Parents should approach their children with an attitude that does not criticize behavior but also protects and embraces emotions.
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