The more people are in touch with their emotions, the more their ability to understand others and get along with them increases, and regardless of their academic intelligence, if their emotional intelligence is high, their future will be bright. The same is true for relationships between spouses.
Half of divorces occur within the first 7 years, the rate is 10% higher in second marriages.
Long-term relationships It requires courage, determination and patience. Although it is said that women are from Mars and men are from Venus, research shows that what determines the satisfaction of both genders in their marriage is the quality of the friendship between husband and wife.
These couples generally know each other well, are familiar with each other's likes and dislikes, personality flaws, hopes and dreams. They always think about each other and express this at every opportunity.
You can adapt to each other's weird sides; Your marriage can go very well with attention, love and respect.
The solution is to understand the difference between you and learn to live with that difference by valuing and respecting each other.
BASIC PROBLEMS ENCOUNTERED IN MARRIAGE
HARD START
If you started the first 3 minutes of the argument hard, the probability of failure is high.
If you realize that you started the discussion harshly, you can unplug and take a break and try again.
FOUR HORSEMEN
Criticism
Contempt
Self-defense
Building a wall
CRITICISM
Negative characteristics about the other person Expressing the characteristics expressed may be the spouse's or the spouse's perception of it that way.
CONDEMNITY
Sarcasm and skepticism are forms of contempt. Using adjectives, eye rolling, belittling, mocking or black humor are also forms of contempt. Contempt poisons the relationship because it implies disgust.
SELF DEFENSE
It is a kind of blaming the other party. The main thing that is said is "the problem is not with me, it is with you."
CALL VAR KNITTING
It is more common among men. He looks away or down without making a sound, and even if he hears what you say, he acts like he doesn't care. It occurs at later stages than the other three horsemen
We are in the age of technology, but our body preserves its primitive fear reactions. Not enough time has passed for evolution; in primitive society, men were hunters and women were gatherers. When the male goes hunting, he closes himself off from all other stimuli and focuses on the hunt, while being on the alert for an aggressive animal coming from behind. It also perceives this danger out loud, so whether it's a tiger or you're faced with a condescending spouse asking why you didn't lift the toilet seat, your body reacts the same way. In other words, since loud sounds create a perception of life-threatening danger in men, their pulse increases very quickly in a short time. This allows him to escape faster from the wild animal in the forest. Therefore, there is a high probability that a man will run away from a loud argument.
Conflicts in marriage depress men more than women. Afterarguments, men continue to harbor negative thoughts that maintain tension, while women tend to calm down and compromise. While women are structurally better able to cope with stress, men prefer to defend and build walls. He may even take on a belligerent or insulting attitude in an attempt to silence his wife.
When the four horsemen are permanent and both spouses feel overwhelmed, there is serious trouble. Frequent arguments, estrangement and loneliness ensue. Or they lead parallel lives in the same house.
Repair attempts not only reduce emotional tension, but also save marriages by reducing the stress level and preventing the heartbeat from accelerating and the feeling of overflowing. In emotionally intelligent marriages, There are various successful repair attempts. Laughing, sticking out your tongue, apologizing, etc. The success of the repair attempt has to do with the state of the marriage, not its subtlety.
There are more repair attempts in problematic couples, and the more they fail, the more they try. If there is friendship between husband and wife and positive thoughts predominate, repair attempts are successful.
Long after warning signs appear, couples tend to seek help.
1-COUPLES ARE AT EACH OTHER IN THE WORDS HE SAID; ROUGH START, THE FOUR HORSEMEN AND THE UNwillingness to ACCEPT IMPACT
2-FAILURE OF REPAIR ATTEMPTS
3 -PHYSIOLOGICAL REACTIONS (FLOW)
4-COMMON NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT MARRIAGE
Emotional separation or It is also a sign of divorce.
However; Nothing is over until everything is over.
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