Abandonment Schema: We can say that a person has excessive anxiety and fear about being abandoned by the person or people with whom he/she will be close.
A type of Abandonment Schema. It can be activated in individuals who experience disconnection or rejection.
If you have an abandonment schema, you experience serious anxiety about being abandoned, even when there is no evidence that your relationship will end. For example, a person with an abandonment schema experiences intense anxiety about being abandoned when his or her spouse or partner goes on a business trip, comes home late, or is talking to someone else when he or she does not hear what they are saying.
The thought that our partners may leave us, that we may lose someone in a tragic accident, or that friendships may come and go may cross our minds from time to time. If you have developed a schema about abandonment, this fear tends to be more pervasive and persistent. There may be a conscious or unconscious expectation that everyone we love will eventually be separated from us or taken away from us.
Abandonment schemaWhen activated, this schema is hard on the people you love. It may cause you to fight in some way because you don't want to lose them: needing more time together, not letting them go on their own, etc. The real need behind this schema is often wanting to feel that our emotional bonds are reliable and solid; and the feeling that losing people close to us would be unbearable.
Abandonment. If you want to know if your attachment schema is activated, here are some questions to consider:
Do you often worry about losing your spouse, children, or other people close to you?
Your current or former partner /Do you experience anxiety, anger, or jealousy when you have partners?
Do you worry that close relationships could end at any time?
Do you worry that people are unreliable and might walk away from relationships on a whim?
The answer to most of these questions is generally no. If you do, you are unlikely to develop the abandonment schema.
If you think the abandonment schema applies to you, start observing when it shows up in your daily life. Recognition is the key to changing patterns that prevent you from achieving your goals.
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