The world spins, spins, spins…
Of course the world spins, but are you someone who says it's around me, or is it your spouse, friend, or boss who sees themselves at the center of the world? Then this article is for you...
The child, who begins to open up to the outside world between the 9th and 18th months of his development, seems unaware of the obstacles, everything seems magical to him. In other words, he is in love with the outside world. One of the most important needs of the child when opening up to the outside world is the mother's support for his growth and appropriate repair when he fails in the outside world. What does this mean? A child who thinks that everything will go perfectly while exploring the world, for example, falls down while starting to walk and suffers from the damage to that sense of perfection in his mind. Repairing it properly is an important step in becoming a healthy adult.
What if it's not repaired? That's when the seeds of the narcissistic personality will be laid. In order to protect himself, the child must maintain this feeling of perfection, that is, the feeling of being at the center of the world, throughout his life.
These people live in two units. Either he perceives the other person as punitive, aggressive, or devaluing, and he feels torn and worthless, and this is followed by feelings of shame and inferiority. Or he sees everyone he is in a relationship with as perfect and feels superior, very smart, perfect, adorable and confident. But in general terms, they are the features we listed second. Feelings of humiliation and worthlessness hurt the person so much that he has to maintain his perfection in order not to show it. Just like a computer screen protector. Most of the time, what happens on the back screen is not the first thing we see.
When these people experience environmental failures, negativities, and emotions that shake their sense of perfection, they show behaviors such as avoidance, denial, devaluing others, denigrating, and rejecting in order to cover up all these.
In order to be perfect and maintain it, money, power, beauty, sex, etc. While there are narcissistic people who strive madly to garner admiration in their fields, there are also people who pursue perfection in the light of anything they idealize. Favorite team, p plus, his favorite singer etc. All of them are the most perfect, because they belong to Him. These people constantly criticize themselves, but underlying this is the thought that I may actually be perfect, but I cannot succeed. Another narcissistic personality maintains perfection by constantly attacking and devaluing those around them.
It is not very common to see these people in therapy. Because it is already perfect. However, in later years, those who look back and feel, at least a little, that they created this perfection, either fall into deep depression or resort to therapy with disorders such as panic attacks because they invest excessively in their own body. Those who cannot face reality enough to seek therapy are on their way to becoming a grumpy old man. Other things that bring to therapy are life failures that are too big to repair. Career changes, bankruptcy, loss of an emotional person, major illness, etc.
It is very difficult to live with these people. Because whatever is in their mind is the right thing and they don't even try to make the other person accept it. Whatever he thinks, everyone else thinks about it. Those who want to maintain their communication with these people often have to give up on themselves and mirror the other person and flatter them with popular language. By using this method when making a criticism, you can get these people to listen a little first. It is very difficult for you to reach their inner world in the face of harsh criticism, they will experience a very serious break and either devalue you or move away.
If you have such people around you, I wanted to give you a few tips that will make your life easier. Come on, good luck!
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