As parents and as a society, we want to raise children with self-esteem. Because our experience shows us that a person's self-esteem is a critical part of mental health. Having low and inadequate self-esteem increases the likelihood of experiencing problems in life. Children with higher self-esteem are prepared for a happier life and tend to have satisfying relationships. They are less likely to experience anxiety and depression than individuals with low self-esteem.
Psychology literature tells us that children's self-esteem is based on two basic components: Approval and a sense of competence... The child learns and internalizes "acceptance / approval" when he is loved, supported and cared for by the adults with whom he has a primary bond. On the other hand, depending on their level of development, they feel "adequate" as they achieve something, are encouraged, and master new skills.
Okay; So what can we do as parents and adults to lay the foundations for feelings of validation and competence in children?
“Acceptance / Approval”
Parents can support this necessary part of self-esteem by establishing warm, supportive relationships with their children. In warm and supportive relationships, parents show interest in their children's activities, share their feelings, and reflect and make the child realize the interest they feel towards the child. They create opportunities to spend time with their children. They show their children that they are happy and enjoy their presence. They can talk about emotions in accordance with the child's developmental characteristics and encourage them to share their positive or negative feelings. For example; A parent who sees a child crying and angry about extra park time that he or she does not have access to may respond: “I can see that you really want to spend some more time at the park. "You really wish you were in the park right now." Such sentences do not prevent you from setting limits. If parking hours are definitely over and you have to be home, you do this. But you can still continue to show the child that you understand him. In moments of frustration, understanding is often the only thing that grows over time. It provides relief from the burden and develops a sense of confidence. For the child, being understood and accepted, along with his negative emotions, forms the basis of self-esteem.
This doesn't mean you have to be super parents and have endless patience. This simply tells the child, “I can understand what you are feeling, and I find it perfectly natural that you feel this way,” even in moments of intense negative and challenging emotions. This means, “Even though I don't approve of what you want to do, I can understand why you feel this way!” Imagine standing in front of him like a mirror and actually saying to him, "This is the name of what you're feeling right now, ahh, this is a human emotion too!" This is exactly the feeling of "approval" mentioned... And the best part is this; Children, whose solid foundations of self-esteem are laid in this way, are more likely to accept others as they are and to establish deep and sincere relationships. This further strengthens their self-confidence.
Feeling of Sufficiency:
Children come to the world with curious eyes. They are born curious anyway. They develop new skills as they are exposed to stimuli and interactions. And as they master a stage, they automatically try to achieve harder and more complex things. They do this with a very spontaneous curiosity and desire to succeed. The more they master it, the more self-confidence and self-esteem they develop.
The responsibility of parents and other adults is to create conditions that will nurture this curiosity. Encourage the child in his quest; Adults who show the child the pride they feel for what they can achieve support the child's curiosity and sense of competence and help them develop it. However, while doing this, one should not be overly demanding or create excessive expectations. It is beneficial to be at the child's pace. Many adults know the pride on a child's face when they see him/her developing, mastering and achieving success. These children are more motivated to relive the feeling of pride and master more things, and they evaluate development opportunities with more enthusiasm.
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