Communication between parents and children at any age is difficult. In each period, the child's display of different behavioral styles in expressing himself, and in parallel with this, the reflection of the difficulties in the parents' own lives on the child is a relationship process that always has the potential to cause a crisis. The most common problem people face in daily life is relationship problems. The determining factor in our relationships is our personality traits. Some of us are perfectionists, some of us are angry, some of us are shy... The problem with children is the reflection of these different personality traits in their communication with them. For example, if the family is judgmental, the child may become withdrawn; if the family is oppressive, the child may be naughty or unsuccessful in order to punish the family; if the child is angry, he or she may become a child who cannot express himself or have behavioral problems.
As in every relationship, the parent-child relationship is based on trust. There should be respect and understanding. If we see children as beings that we will dominate rather than individuals until they complete their development, we will lose the chance to establish a healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship, it is not 'How can I get him to listen to me?', but 'How can I understand him?' We must act on the basis of 'How can I help?' So how can we achieve this?
Discovery of perspective on life: The biggest step will be to determine how our child sees and evaluates events. If we can discover from which perspective he viewed and interpreted it, it means we have begun to understand it. For example: Parent says read a book. If the child knows that he will face another sanction if he does not do it, he reads a short story from previous grades just for the sake of reading it. When the parent reacts to this, he becomes unfair. This is why we must re-evaluate the conflicts we experience from an objective perspective. The first step to establishing a safe relationship is to discover how he/she evaluates the situation. If we have an idea on the subject, we need to know how the child evaluates it and the meaning he attaches to it before trying to make him accept it. If the child tries to reflect our truths without knowing this, he will feel that he is not understood and will object. You can't have a relationship with someone who objects anyway.
Determining the real need: Eb As parents, we try to think and do what is best for our child. However, sometimes the things we desire may not have much meaning for our child. Or if he shows a behavior that we do not want, he may be doing it to meet a need of his own. In fact, every behavior the child does is done to meet a need. If we can understand the underlying meaning of this behavior, we can continue our relationship within this framework. An event that seems absurd to us may be found logical by the child, or he may have a valid reason for doing so. Understanding his needs will make it easier for us to support him and make the relationship safe.
Understanding and approving his feelings: If we can understand the underlying emotion in the child's behavior, our reactions to his behavior will also change. For example: If we get angry at a child who cries 'I don't want to go to school' when we wake up in the morning and say 'Of course you will, children go to school', the child will feel that he is not understood. Not wanting to go to school may mean feeling sad about giving up playing games, or worrying about a repeat of a problem experienced at school. The difficulty here is that the child does not express his feelings directly. Especially in authoritarian families, the anxiety of not being accepted prevents the child from expressing himself. Wanting to know that we understand the child in situations where his/her indirect expression does not suit us, and how what pushes him to this behavior makes him feel, paves the way for the child to express himself by approaching us with confidence.
Making Effort: The child's perspective. Families who discover his angle, understand his needs and know his feelings can find solutions to the problems they experience with him by just making a little effort. Making an effort strengthens the relationship between the child and the family. Devoting time to the child, supporting his development and special interests will make him feel valuable, increase his trust in his parents, prevent conflicts, and shed light on his future relationships.
In other words, establishing a safe communication with the child is much more important than his development. . This is the way to be a happy and peaceful individual, even if one is physically healthy and successful. A child whose needs and feelings are understood It is more prone to r. By collaborating in solving problems, we achieve a healthy and safe family relationship.
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