Speak in the language of "I", not in the language of "YOU": Sometimes, some of the behaviors or words of children can cause anger to a degree that cannot be ignored. For example: He may continue negative behavior even though you warn him repeatedly. Avoid suddenly expressing your anger in such situations. Expressions such as "Why don't you pay attention? I have warned you a thousand times, you are such a disobedient child" are an attack on the child's personality. These expressions shake the child's confidence, upset him, make him even more angry, angry and cause him to resist.
Expressing our negative feelings and criticizing with the language of "you" imposes negative feelings on the other party. The child feels pushed, unloved, rejected, and his self-confidence is shaken.
However, I language; When a child's behavior seems unacceptable to us, it is to reveal our true thoughts and feelings without blaming the child. When I language is used, the child does not become defensive.
Speaking in I language relaxes the person using it as it instantly conveys feelings and thoughts. Instead of "Why did you do this?", "I really resented this behavior." Instead of "It's rude, can you talk to your mother like that?", "It hurts me when you talk to me like that."
I language expressions are about us, our real thoughts and feelings. It explains our feelings and experiences, not our evaluations and comments about the other person.
If we give an example of speaking in I language;
The father came home from work tired, lying on the couch and resting. Let the child play with toy musical instruments loudly and shouting.
Father: Son, don't make noise. (You language)
He continues to have children.
Father shouts again, I tell you not to do it, the child continues.
Father: You are a child who doesn't understand anything, I say don't do it, now I will take those toys away from you. (You language).
The child starts to cry.
Instead;
Father: I just came from work, I'm very tired, I get a headache when you play with musical instruments, and I get angry. How about playing with something else? When you say; He described the child's behavior, explained to the child the impact it had on him, and He expressed his feelings and suggested another alternative for the child. (I language)
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