Effective boundary setting is something learned from childhood. A child who does not learn to set limits or abide by the limits set by other people will continue to have problems in adulthood. If we do not respect the child's boundaries and do not teach him the boundaries he has; They turn into adults who cannot say no, try to please everyone, and do not know how to distance themselves or protect themselves even if others harm them. On the contrary, children for whom we cannot set limits; They turn into selfish and insensitive adults who do not respect others, do not take no for an answer. Thanks to boundaries, the child learns to obey the rules of society.
He accepts the authority of his parents.
They feel safe thanks to boundaries.
Clear boundaries prevent confusion and guide the child.
It enables the child to gain responsibility and gain new experiences.
Cooperation and harmony increase.
Two important ways to follow when setting limits for your child. has. The first is to be clear and consistent about what is expected. It is unrealistic to expect the child to understand what we want with our facial expressions, looks or insinuations. We need to state clearly and clearly what we want him to do or not do. It is necessary to give clear instructions, not requests or suggestions. If we 'ask' the child to do what we want, it is completely up to his/her initiative to do the job and he/she has the right not to do it. In this case, it is unnecessary to be angry with the child.
For example; “Dear Elif, can you tidy your room?” Don't be surprised if the answer you get to such a question is "no". Because why would you collect it? Instead, “Elif, PICK UP your room” or “You can't take the tablet until you tidy your room.” Sentences such as these that are clear and explicit or contain sanctions are important for the child to understand his duty and what he needs to do. There is no room for confusion or initiative here. This is the child's duty and he must do it.
Similarly, the behaviors that follow your sanction sentences should also be consistent. “You can't take the tablet until you tidy your room.” After that, if he can take the tablet even if he doesn't tidy his room, the limit you set has no meaning. �shush. Your child no longer has to tidy his or her room, so you do this instead. Limits, especially regarding household chores and simple tasks, positively affect the child's sense of responsibility in adulthood. The child, who is not used to this from a young age, has much more difficulty in performing such tasks and complying with instructions as he grows up. “As he grows up, he starts to do it and learns on his own.” Don't think that education starts at home at a young age.
Boundaries are also important for the child's sense of trust. Having clear, determined and stable parents at home who know best makes the child feel safe. Child; “Even if I make a mistake, my mother/father will correct me, show me the truth, and protect me.” he thinks. If there is no rule-making parent around, the child cannot distinguish between what is right and what is wrong. He tries to discover everything by trial and error. He may often encounter harmful consequences for himself and those around him. Children discover the world through us and always need our correct guidance.
The second important way to set limits is not to be too restrictive. Setting limits and rules for every step the child takes, every situation at home, and every wrong behavior is a situation that wears out the child. It is necessary to leave room for the child for exploration and free will. If every behavior is restricted by rules, many of the child's skills will not develop and the likelihood of him/her becoming more agitated, angry and rebellious in the future increases. The important thing is not to limit everything, but to set limits at important and correct points. Determine in advance which topics are important to you and clearly explain to your child that you need to set limits. Once you set the right limit for the child, leave it to him or her to complete the task. The important thing is to show you the path to follow, not every step you will take.
Of course, try to follow the rules you set. It wouldn't be fair to expect things from your child that you can't do yourself. If you do not tidy your room or sit at the table at meal time, it is unrealistic to expect this from your child. Try to set rules that apply to the whole house. “Nobody hits/screams at anyone else in our house.” “In this house, everyone collects what they spill.” like. Your children learn by imitating you Make sure you set a good example before setting a limit.
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