Intense anxiety, panic, depression, feeling of crying, unhappiness... This is actually the sum of the pains of separation for most of us. Afterwards, these pains are accompanied by sentences such as 'what will I do now', 'how will I bear this' and 'I can't do without it'. We begin to swing in the space between our love and loss
In fact, these emotions are characterized by some instinctive behaviors that we bring from the past. When the human being's love of suffering is added to this, a feeling that we describe as a huge emptiness settles inside us. Not being able to be, do, or live without Him entrusts us with a very dramatic emotional emptiness as a memory of Him. After that, we have two options. We will either stand up and challenge the void, or we will stay down and continue to hold on to our grief. So, how right would it be to stay grounded in your life, where you are truly unique and come only once? If you can even say 'it's not right', you are considered to have taken a step to stand up.
Efforts were made, people were loved, trusted, maybe future plans were made or steps were taken, but that person left your life and continued on his way, perhaps leaving a wreckage behind. . Yes, I say 'wreck' because it left behind not you, but the wreckage of what you lived with. Our duty is to remove this 'debris' from where it is, throw it away and ensure that it stays behind. That's when we stand up.
Live; Experience your grief and pain to the fullest so that you don't leave it inside you. Because most emotions that cannot be thrown out will be waiting to come out at another time, somewhere else and in a different way. If you want to cry, cry, if you want to scream, shout, do these so that you can go through your mourning process in a healthy way. Suggestions such as "I will not cry or I will not be sad" will only postpone and accumulate your grief. Let your first step be to experience your grief…
Destroy memories when you feel ready, not because you have to. Pictures, gifts, notes, memories of places we went together, etc. Whatever reminds you of him, get rid of them as soon as you feel ready. Does this make you feel relieved? It will make you feel light and relaxed. Just wait for the right time for this and take action when you feel ready.
Do not go to the places you went together, do not do the rituals or activities you used to do, do not listen to the music you listened to when we were together, in short, do not take any action that will remind you of him. This will only cause you pain. Don't forget! The brain loves drama and looks for the right moment to create this drama. The moment you turn on that song, memories will attack. Don't let your brain do this
Stay away from mutual friends, social media, anything that might give you information about him. Do not allow the people around you to bring up the subject, warn them if necessary and express that you are uncomfortable. Talking about him and bringing up old memories will lead to nothing but emotional confusion in your life. In today's parlance, don't 'stalk'. Let him do whatever he does. He is the one who left. He's the one who wants to go. But you are the one investigating it. Why renew this pain?
Acquire new hobbies, continue your old hobbies, enter new social environments. Do not isolate yourself from social life in any way. The moment you make this a habit, you wink at depression. Don't let depression rule your life. Continue to be the same you as you were before.
You are the one who knows yourself best. Don't look for a band-aid, don't be a band-aid. Let everything happen as it should in its natural course. Consider carefully the damage that holding on to someone else will do to your soul. Yes, it may be good, but who can guarantee that? It hurts to make the same wound bleed from the same place a second time. Know yourself and take this step carefully.
Your ex-partner will of course come to your mind, and when it comes to your mind, do not try to kick it out, because you will see that this effort will only make you remember him more. Try to get it out of your mind Instead of working on it, focus on how you can keep it pain-free in your mind. When it comes to your mind, think whatever you want to think about it, let it pass through your mind. After a while, you will see that thinking about him does not hurt or matter as much as before.
Yes, he was there, you had good times, you were happy, but now he is gone. He chose another life, maybe another person. You are upset, which is your natural right. You have experienced your pain, and this is your most natural right. But now he's gone and you have to move on. Maybe he wasn't the first person to come into your life, and he won't be the last. From now on, there will be others and you will experience similar happiness with others. Maybe you will be much happier. Just give yourself time and permission for this. You are precious and unique. You have a life that is too precious to waste on long-term mourning, with times that will never come back. Just as no pain remains as fresh as the first day, this pain will not remain as fresh as it was on the first day, and after a while it will just take the form of an ache and perhaps remain in your life as an experience that you pray for to end.
All emotions in our lives have a duration. And when that time is over, you will realize that you do not feel those emotions with the same freshness. Your separation mourning also has a duration. Let that time expire for you. We should not forget that we determine our own value and we are important and special within the framework of this value.
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