SHOULD WE BE OUR CHILDREN'S FRIENDS? HER PARENTS?
“You won't understand”, “children won't interfere”, “adults decide this”, “children don't interfere when adults are talking”, or:
“let's do whatever you want”, let's watch whatever you want”, “Let's go wherever you want”
These words are not foreign at all and are frequently used by adults to their children. So do our children really not understand? Or what does he understand and what does he not understand? Or would it be easier for us to dictate our rules by saying you don't understand? Should we do whatever our children want? How should we talk to them?
Sometimes we hear from people around us that you should be friends with your children. Or sometimes it is said that you cannot be friends with children, otherwise you cannot educate them.
Children's feelings and emotions begin to take shape with the development of the brain. For example, in 6-month-old children, although the child's restlessness is perceived as jealousy while the mother is playing with another doll, it is not possible for the child to feel these feelings at this stage of brain development. Then we can think of the reason for his restlessness as the uneasiness of not being able to play with another toy.
But as the child grows, he begins to experience many emotions and feelings. This is an indication that everything around him will affect him.
So how should parents approach their children? It is not easy for parents to communicate with, educate and teach children, both in childhood and adolescence. To achieve this, many different methods and ways are found and tried. Each parent tries methods appropriate to his or her own life, customs, and things he or she has learned.
The important thing is not only to find the most accurate and healthy one among these methods, but also to use this method in accordance with our child's personality structure and behavior.
As for the question of friend or parent;
& nbsp;We are the parents of our child first. We must not forget this. We should know our parenting responsibilities and reflect this feeling to our child so that we do not have difficulties in educating and teaching our child. Families that cannot make their children feel the weight of being a parent are always doomed to become a toy in the child's hands.
We are also our child's friends. Because if we cannot be his friend, we cannot accurately understand what he feels, what he likes, his tastes and his lifestyle. However, we need this information in order to communicate well with our child. As in every relationship, we must keep everything in balance in our relationship with our child.
For example, in order to have a good communication, instead of following all his tastes and doing everything the way he likes and wants, we should emphasize to him that we have our own and separate pleasures from him, but try to share his tastes. You may like classical music and your child should know this, but this does not prevent you from listening to rock or pop with him/her from time to time. Or you may like hamburgers, but this does not prevent you from having a pizza party with your child from time to time. This will create the perception in the child that my mother or father has different tastes, but because they care about me, they can share with me that suits my tastes. The best approach is to balance our sharing with our child so that sometimes he follows our tastes and sometimes we follow his tastes.
The benefit of this is that, in the relationships he establishes in the future, the child will respect the tastes and life of the other person and enjoy their common shares as he learns and perceives from his family. He will try to get it, but at the same time he will not postpone his own pleasures and needs, so he will be mostly happy in his relationships with both the same and the opposite sex.
As parents, it is right that we set the rules and expect our child to follow these rules. However, occasionally holding family meetings on some issues that concern the family and asking for his/her opinion, valuing and implementing it if it makes sense, helps our child gain responsibility. It will have a positive impact on self-esteem, personality development and the development of a sense of pride.
The benefit of this is that our child will be a fair person in all kinds of relationships in the future, and will be a person who respects and values the other party's thoughts.
As we can see, everything we give to our child is true. The message will determine his future life, relationships, lifestyle and perspective on events.
As a result, being just a parent alienates the child from ourselves, and being just a friend prevents the child from complying with family rules and our education. It is not enough to try to be the only friend of our child, who already has many friends, but to make him feel that we can approach him in a friendly manner when necessary and when he needs it, and that we can spend time with him that he can enjoy.
We must be both parents and friends with our child, depending on the place and time. Our child knows that we are his parents, therefore he must obey the rules, and at the same time, he can spend time and share with us like a friend, share his problems, fears, joys, etc. with us like a friend. He should know that he can share.
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