Being an Individual
Being a "family" indicates one of the most important value judgments in Turkish society. We have many norms and stereotypes about being a family. "Being one" or "being us" is a concept that is often taken to the wrong places, such as exceeding the boundaries of family members, interfering with decision-making mechanisms, and preventing them from adopting an individualistic lifestyle. However, every individual has the right to be an individual as much as the belonging he/she feels to a group. Unfortunately, in collectivist cultures like Turkey, the needs of the group and adaptation to the group take precedence over being an individual. It is not unpredictable that Turkish society will face difficulties in transitioning from a culture where several generations live together in a house to apartments where individuals live alone and becoming universal. While there is significant resistance to the concept of borders, knowing and accepting that there are fundamental freedoms and concepts that should be respected within every family will keep us away from conflicts.
Expressing your thoughts with open communication
An individual should be able to express himself as he is and clearly within the family. Conflict will be inevitable when other family members refuse to listen to the individual's thoughts. When a person or his thoughts are labeled as “useless,” “nonsense,” or “irrational,” the individual will avoid expressing his thoughts in subsequent communications. This can lead to accumulation and, after a while, causing reactive attitudes towards other family members.
Being able to express one's feelings
An individual's freedom to express his/her feelings in family communications is as important as his/her thoughts. Not accepting an individual's feelings can create feelings of rejection and exclusion in the individual. When we label a person as "whiny", "watery-eyed", "too sensitive", "unnecessarily angry" when he expresses his feelings openly to family members, we can say that that family member will not be as open about sharing his feelings.
Being able to reject or accept
Saying "no" and "yes" in line with one's own desires means being subjected to family violations. It is another of the limits of freedom that should not be eliminated. Making decisions about the current situation of the family members without receiving their approval or rejection, without needing the individual's opinion, causes major conflicts. Every individual should have the right to evaluate their options and reject or approve them. This situation, which is one of the areas of freedom violated especially for family members in childhood and adolescence, is not given enough importance. It should be known that every member of the family has the right to say "yes" and "no", which negatively affects the self-development of children and adolescents.
Knowing what is "Here and Now"
Every family member has the right to know, see and hear what is here and now. Family members have the right to be informed about what is happening in situations that concern the whole family. Sometimes parents may make the mistake of thinking that their situation only concerns them. For example; Children should be informed about the decision and timing of a move from the very beginning of the process. Moving is a situation that affects the whole family and should be brought to the attention of every individual from the idea stage.
Families, especially parents, sometimes expect other family members to complete their unfinished work, wishes and enthusiasm. This expectation sometimes becomes so intense that the self, desires and essence of the family member to whom the expectation is directed may be denied and he is expected to devote himself to finishing the unfinished business. You need to be aware of whether your expectations from your family members are actually what you expect from yourself. Each family member should have the freedom to realize their own essence by choosing their own direction and passions.
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