Sudden and shocking events affect children as well as adults. While adults can verbally express what they have experienced, children reflect it more on their behaviors. Situations such as excessive activity, clinging to parents, night fears, anxieties, and introversion can be observed.
In such cases, parents ask, "How can I help my child?"
When something unexpected and shocking happens; First, it's important to be aware of your own feelings of fear and vulnerability. The next step is to connect with your body. How your body is reacting, is there a place where you feel uncomfortable, what is your breathing, scanning your body from head to toe and pressing firmly on the ground will provide your body awareness. These two steps will allow you to feel empowered and fully present for your child.
Intense emotions experienced after traumatic events cause cognitive functions to stop. That's why saying "don't be afraid, calm down, it's over" to a frightened child will not work. Therefore, first of all, an approach should be made to stabilize the emotional state of the child. We can do this with a hug most comfortable for young children (if he is a tactile child). Breathing exercises can be done with slightly older children.
After stabilizing her feelings, listen to your child's fears and show that you understand and take them seriously. When talking about fear, it is important to normalize the fear. For this reason, telling the child that you were once afraid of the things that he is afraid of now will make the child feel that his feeling is normal. In addition, stating that “fears” are afraid of being talked about, playing games and laughing about themselves helps the child to embody and normalize their fear.
Children feel that they have lost their sense of control, especially in crisis situations. This causes them fear and anxiety. They regain their lost sense of control when they are given clear, concise, and simple information on the subject. In addition, having the child draw a picture of his fear and make him talk with his fear (by creating a dialogue – take the place of the child, let the child replace his fear and resist his fear. By asking questions such as < fear, why are you with me, what do you want to go from me, what are you afraid of> it allows the child to feel control over their fear. Making the drawn picture funny will also be effective because if the child is laughing, he has started to get rid of the effect of fear.
Games can be played that will enable the child to use his/her body (catching, high off the ground, imitating each other, etc.). The intense emotion trapped in the body is discharged with movement and the body relaxes. To increase speed and agility, the body should be engaged and encouraged by saying "bravo, you're so strong, come on faster now".
It is also very important for the child to use the object of fear in their games. Because the child revives himself through this object and tells his fears. “What if I stay under the building too?” reflects his fear into the game. And when he saves her, he actually saves himself. This allows the child to recover and gain courage in the game. Therefore, the child should observe the games, be included in the games with his/her approval, and be encouraged to use the fear object in the game.
Routines are also very important for the child to feel safe. Routines can also be disrupted after traumatic events and crises. For example, after the earthquake, the child may want to sleep with his parents. This may be allowed for a while, but it's important to go back to old routines step by step.
All these reactions (fear, anxiety, inability to be separated from the parent, silence or hyperactivity, etc.) in the acute period are normal reactions. However, while these reactions are expected to decrease and disappear, it is important to get expert support if they continue to negatively affect the child's daily life.
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