THEY GIVEN UP ON DIVORCE
Ç., both retired managers, who did not want to disclose their names. The couple talked about how their lives changed by attending Yaşar University's family therapy. The couple, who attended 5-week therapy with Family and Marriage Therapist Psychologist Ceren Yağcıköseoğlu, stated that they were on the verge of ending their marriage, which had lasted for more than 30 years. G.Ç: “We were having problems. The time it took to make up again or sit down and talk started to get longer. We haven't talked in the same house for the last two months. I didn't feel well and I saw a psychiatrist. The family therapist suggested it and I said, 'My wife didn't know, we go to therapy together,' and she was convinced. We started coming to therapy two months ago. We explained our problems and they listened. We needed him too, it felt good to tell a third person while we were together. We needed an objective eye looking from the outside. We both saw and experienced that we made the right choice here. We had the opportunity to see what we did wrong or right. "From the first session, we started to become a couple that talks and shares, and most importantly, can communicate correctly," he said. At the end of the session, G.Ç. stated that the reason for their ability to overcome problems was to remember their good experiences in the past and said, “Why? It is important to ask the question, we had a problem of cutting corners and not getting help. Problems that could be solved were reaching a completely different point. It is also important that there is no outside intervention. This could be your family, your friends, so couples need to make their own decisions and get support. They need to say what are we doing wrong? The comfort of telling the story is also very important; having someone who knows you makes this difficult. That's why it's so important for the other person to be an expert,” he said.
WE ARE MORE PEACEFUL
Explaining that they had a hard time even listening to each other on the first day they came, G.Ç. said, “We had sharp corners, but we learned to smooth them over time. we learned. In this way, you learn to listen more easily and understand the other person. I was a person who was always fighting with myself at home. Even while working, I was fighting with my husband. But there is no such thing anymore, after the therapies I am more at peace now. We don't talk after the session, we implement it. "It is very important to want, but it is not easy to get here, it was a very serious point," he said.
I COULD HAVE LOSE A PERSON I LOVED VERY MUCH
Explaining that they could say "I'm glad we made the decision", GÇ said, "I love my wife very much. If we had continued in that situation and had not gotten help, I could have lost a person I loved very much. It's not nice, it's not beautiful, it's not healthy at all. If we had talked about what we wanted to talk about alone, it would have been perceived differently and resulted differently, but when we talked here, everything was different. At times, we talked as if our therapist Ms. Ceren did not exist, in a way that we could not talk when we were together. It might have turned into a fight at home, but here we learned to talk to each other. It was very good. "From now on, we want to settle by the seaside and continue our marriage happily for many years," he said. This is the priority. Do they really want it to change? There are also couples who come with the mentality of 'Let it be what I want and the other party should comply with it'. We may be making progress, but it may be difficult to achieve the result we want. The important thing is that the incoming couples are open to change. Because if they are already coming here, it means there is something not right, something wrong. What do they think is right that is wrong? First of all, we aim to find it. If there is a breakdown in communication and they think there is something wrong, they should consider coming here to learn how to communicate correctly. We first try to establish what correct communication should be like in 5 sessions. Then comes efforts to empathize, to understand and feel what the other person is saying and what they want to say. Once these are seated, the rest follows on its own. When the rights and wrongs in the relationship are found, the problems are automatically solved. "But the important thing is to want," he said. .
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