The way a mother responds to our basic needs expresses how valuable we are to her. Is he generous in giving things to us? Or does he meet our needs with an expression that makes us feel like we're a burden and says, "You're disturbing me?"
Is his touch gentle and loving when he feeds us or changes diapers? Maybe he's acting like a robot, he's doing it because he has to...
What are the expressions on his face? What do they tell us? Together, these form the basis of the messages we receive.
The ten essential good mother messages are:
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I'm glad you're here
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I see you
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You are special to me
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I respect you
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I love you
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Your needs are important to me. You can benefit from me.
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I'm here for you. I will make time for you.
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I will keep you safe
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You can feel comfortable when you are with me
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You make me so happy
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE…
It is the first important message a child will hear. This message is conveyed through behaviors that tell the child that he is valued and wanted.
I SEE YOU…
A mother conveys the message “I see you” mainly through proper reflection and harmonious response behaviors. For example; Mother knows our likes and dislikes. She knows our interests and how we feel about a subject. It means to be seen, to be known.
YOU ARE SPECIAL TO ME...
Although it is not usually expressed in words, it tells us that we are held in high regard. As with other messages, this needs to come with the feeling that we are accepted as we are; Thus, we do not identify the state of being special with a superficial and external feature or image.
I RESPECT YOU…
By supporting a child's uniqueness, by not trying to control him unnecessarily, a mother supports the child's preferences and preferences. He accepts his decisions and tells him the values he sees in the child. Children who feel respected and sincerely loved tend to imitate their parents or imitate their parents. Instead of conforming to a pattern of behavior, they receive approval to discover and express their unique selves.
I LOVE YOU…
This expression is actually conveyed in two very simple words, but it must be real and sincere to be meaningful. It has to be experienced somehow. While many children hear these words several times a day, some children do not hear them throughout their lives. Love is perhaps most effectively communicated through nonverbal forms, including touch, tone of voice, eye and facial expressions, body language, and attention. When the environment (provided by boundaries and rules) offers a feeling of safe embrace and shelter, it feels like love.
YOUR NEEDS ARE IMPORTANT TO ME…YOU CAN ASK ME FOR HELP…
These words express the feeling of priority. . The mother does not say, "I will take care of you because I have to," but rather, "I will take care of you because it is really important." With this message, we feel that the reason for the mother's attention is love and sincere caring. The words “you can ask me for help” give you permission; It tells you that you do not need to hide your needs or meet them yourself.
I AM HERE FOR YOU...I WILL MAKE TIME FOR YOU...
“I am here for you” means, “You can trust me. It means "I will not disappear." It is usually said for specific needs, but beyond that it also means “I will always be in your life.” This supports a feeling of relaxation and trust.
A related message could be “I will make time for you.” It indicates that the mother has time and gives priority and value to the child.
I WILL KEEP YOU SAFE…
“I will keep you safe” also means “I will protect you and I will not let you get hurt or falter.”
A feeling of trust is essential for the child to relax and explore the things around him. Without a sense of security, we may never feel ready to go out into the world. Without the protection of the person looking after us, the only protection we have is to remain invisible and build structures within our personality that serve to defend ourselves.
YOU CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE WHEN YOU ARE WITH ME...
The message of “You can feel comfortable when you are with me” means a few things. It's a way of saying. First, it implies a protected area; You can't truly relax when you have to stay alert. It also implies that the mother is available (she needs to be there to be present and comforted) and accepting of the child. It's another way of saying, "When you're with me, you can feel at home." We all want to have a place where we can just be ourselves, where we don't have to perform, where we feel calm and relaxed next to another person.
YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY...
"You make me so happy" lyrics , is a confirmation that the child is valuable. It gives the child the messages "You give happiness" and "Being with you makes me happy". We see this in the mother's sparkling eyes, smile and laughter when she sees us.
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