Attachment Theorist John Bowlby says, “Attachment is an integral part of human behavior from cradle to grave.” I find your words very meaningful. In fact, we can say that it affects the attachment of children not from the cradle but from the womb. The attachment adventure, which begins when the mother wants her baby during pregnancy, continues until the age of 2. This interval is very important for healthy attachment to occur. How the mother establishes a relationship with her child also forms the basis of attachment. When the baby is born, he/she should receive messages like "I'm glad to have you, welcome."
Securely attached and insecurely attached children
The baby wants to feel the warmth, love and reassuring touches of the person who takes care of him until the age of 2. When he does not feel this, he may develop negative beliefs about life. These; “people are insecure and inconsistent”, “the world is a chaotic, uncertain and unsafe place”, “I am unsafe, I am powerless”, “I am worthless, unlovable and evil” and “the world is a hostile and dangerous place”.
Children who are not securely attached; is angry, disturbed, restless, aggressive, incompatible and depressed. He has difficulty establishing relationships with people. He fails at playing the symbolic game. The cells in the limbic system in the brains of babies who do not receive enough love and attention in the first years do not develop adequately. They may develop symptoms such as self-harm and substance abuse.
We start to have positive or negative beliefs about ourselves starting from the age of 0-2. Experiences cause us to make many decisions about life or ourselves. For example, a child who has established a secure relationship with his mother: “I am loved.” “People are trustworthy.” “Being close is safe.” Develops beliefs such as "I have feelings and needs and I can express them safely."
Children with secure attachment; They do not have difficulty expressing and receiving their emotions. His communication with his parents is open and safe. They get used to school easily. They are social and adaptable. It would be healthy for it to be able to decompose as much as it connects. They communicate well with their teachers. Problem solving skills are more developed. Their self-confidence and self-esteem are high.
Characteristics of securely attached mothers
Children of securely attached mothers experience intense physical contact. The mother communicates by making eye contact and facial expressions. In this process of non-verbal communication, tactile contact strengthens the bond. The attached mother becomes an actress. She finds or creates games in close contact with her child. There is lots of laughter and smiles. She focuses only on the game, without any rules. They approach their children with intriguing games. They are loving and warm.
What are the games that strengthen bonding?
Games strengthen the bond with the child. In the non-verbal period, children's language is play. The games you play with him or her by making eye contact, having fun, and making tactile contact will contribute greatly to your relationship.
Do not buy expensive materials for the games you will play with your children in the first period of life. Do not do desk activities such as painting. Do not buy materials that improve cognitive skills or hand-eye coordination, such as Lego. Remember, you will strengthen your bond with your child. Focus on games that will strengthen your bond with your child.
Don't look far for games that strengthen bonding. Because you know these games very well. Think about your childhood. What games did your mother or grandmother play with you? If you don't remember, ask your mother or elders. What games did your mother play with you when you were 0-2 years old? For example; “Squirt Boatman” is a bonding game. Many games that our mothers or grandmothers make us play are actually bonding games. When you are a baby, playing peekaboo is a perfect bonding game. Combing hair, massaging feet and hands, and playing horsemanship are bonding games. In addition, playing "hide and seek or box-by-box pliers" games will also help you strengthen your relationship.
Connecting games; helps reduce stress. It makes mother and child feel stronger. They are interactive games. There is a lot of laughter and smiles in the game. It doesn't matter who starts the games. Does not require any toys. They can be played anytime and anywhere. It does not require any method of discipline. It does not involve any competition. They are not games with rules. There is no specific duration. It increases positive energy.
Instead of expensive toys, our grandmothers Games made by people
Our mothers and grandmothers have discovered bonding games, knowingly or unknowingly. Today's mothers are in a race to develop more cognitive skills of their children. They can play board games at a young age. The number of children sitting in front of the television or living with a tablet in their hands is increasing. Because the children stay quiet and do not cause trouble. Everyone is satisfied. Children's needs to play, establish relationships, love and touch are being taken away. They live with a huge lack of stimulation. Conclusion; Children are growing up who cannot communicate, who are loveless, who cannot make eye contact, who are active, who cannot express themselves because they cannot trust.
The foundation of the building is laid in the 0-2 age period.
It is very important for families to understand the value of the 0-2 age period for the foundation of their personality. The foundation of the building is laid in this age range. The structure you build on an unstable foundation may last for a while. But somewhere it starts to collapse. You can get through primary school, secondary school or high school, but you may get stuck somewhere. For example, one may be left with attachment problems in business life. He may constantly have problems in his private life. Even if he gets married, he may have difficulty connecting to his spouse or child. Divorces are very common. He/she may constantly change partners or may not be able to establish a relationship. He has problems trusting people. Attachment is extremely important for the child to connect to life.
Healthy mother, healthy attachment...
Mothers who will establish a bond with the child must also be healthy in this process. They should not hesitate to seek help from a specialist when they feel physically or mentally uncomfortable. The mother's spiritual world greatly affects the bonding process. Support should be sought without ignoring postpartum depression, trauma, physiological problems or spouse problems. If you are having difficulties in the bonding process, it may be necessary to look at your bonding with your mother. Many mothers who cannot bond with their mothers may have difficulty bonding with their children. If you have an attachment problem, you can soon go to a trauma therapist and get support.
If you want your child to connect safely to life and people, approach him with love, make frequent tactile contact and play attachment games. with child The most effective way to communicate with people is through games. In the 0-2 year old period, the child's need is bonding games. You can also discover these games by asking your elders or using your creativity.
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