As humans, we make a lot of comparisons. It is just in our nature.
And as parents, it is inevitable that we compare ourselves to other parents in the room when trying to raise our own children.
Even though we deeply know that measuring ourselves and our own self-worth against other people is toxic, we still we are doing. Because we are human and sometimes we can't help ourselves as human beings.
But right now, more than ever, we need to resist the urge to compare ourselves and our children to the people around us because no one else can do our lives better than we do.
The truth is that we all intentionally or unintentionally compare our children to their brothers or sisters, to other children in our world, because we wonder how children grow up and how other people parent.
On some level, we're a bit competitive, too, but few of us say it out loud.
Most parents today are too busy making sure their kids excel at everything. focused so that it is often difficult to know when to pull back, let them grow at their own pace, and when to push.
As a result, parents oppressively manage their children and put a lot of pressure on them to outperform their peers, whether they want it or not.
While there are many different developmental areas both inside and outside of school, many parents ignore where their children are developmentally and instead focus on where they think they should do themselves.
However, although these thoughts are normal, what we should definitely not do is; It is being a parent that causes our child to feel more inadequate because he is not as fast, smart or strong as other children.
When we place our child among many other children, the tendency to compare begins. So do yourself a favor and don't go too far if you're comparing, because up to a point we all do this. Before transferring these comparisons to your child, check yourself.
Because being aware of your child's development and being in harmony with it is good parenting. But it is absolutely not right to talk negatively about our children, especially in front of them.
Negative comparisons send a very clear message to your child that it is not appropriate for him to develop at a pace that is normal for him. And this can cause them to lose their self-confidence.
Consider What You're Comparing
We all want the best for our children. We want them to succeed, improve and excel, but they will not do it at the pace of others. They will only do this when they are ready.
We must let them feel our support and patience, because when they know they have it, they begin to bloom.
Of course, on the other hand, when they think they don't have our support and acceptance, that's when they wither away. When they start to pay too much attention to what everyone around them is doing, their great inferiority complex often comes to the fore.
Some children start walking straight and never crawl. Some children sleep through the night, some do not. Some children react to their names, while others do not. But in their own time, they arrive where they need to be.
So give yourself some slack. Regardless of what is going on around you, love your child as he is.
A few tips on how to avoid falling into the comparison trap:
-Focus your attention on your child and remember that not all children learn to sit, walk or talk in the same day. Every child reaches these milestones at different times, and this is normal.
-Limit your time on social media because navigating other people's lives leads to toxic comparisons of you and your child. Therefore, make a joint effort to leave your phone and be under your own roof. Pay more attention to the p endings.
-Search what your child can do.
-Remember to be kind to yourself and treat yourself with compassion and patience.
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