Expert Psychologist Naciye Tokaç stated that humans have been trying to complete their shortcomings and meet their needs since the moment they existed, saying, “Because they are incomplete and needy. This situation occupies the mind of a person who must strive to meet even his most basic needs. Hunger, thirst, sleep and sexuality are the most basic human needs. However, these needs must be met so that; so that he can continue his life. One of the main factors that can lead to unhappiness in people is the fact that they have to spend most of their time just to get what they need to survive.
What other problems do people say that can explain their unhappiness?
A woman says that her husband's lack of attention to her is the source of her unhappiness; Another may say that his child does not do his homework and fulfill his responsibilities. While a young girl complains about her boyfriend's jealousy, another person may say that the reason for her unhappiness is that she doesn't like her job. These are all explanations that people put forward to explain their emotional distress. "However, these are not the main reasons that explain our emotional sadness," he said.
If all these are not the things that cause our unhappiness, then what are the things that make us unhappy?
Expert Psychologist Naciye Tokaç later noted the following; “Almost everyone thinks that the emotional tensions they experience are caused by events that have happened to them or the situations they are in. When you think about it for a while, you will understand for yourself that this is not true. You may have noticed that an event that worried you very much one day does not worry you that much when you experience the same event again the next day. While a person who is rejected by the opposite sex feels very bad, when another person experiences the same situation, he may not care much about this situation. This shows us that not only the events and situations themselves cause our emotional state, sadness and unhappiness.
It can be seen that; Our emotional sadness and unhappiness are not caused by the problematic events we experience or the situations we find ourselves in. These are incorrect and irrational thoughts and beliefs about problematic events and situations. Our actions cause this. Therefore, you need to find and reveal your wrong and irrational thoughts that make you unhappy and cause emotional sadness, evaluate them and create thoughts and beliefs that are more useful, logical and can make you happy.
An important point here is that you are the source of your unhappiness. While thinking that there are environmental factors, events and situations; In fact, we have not stated that the source of your unhappiness comes from within you. This is new information for you and it may seem hard to believe. However, we see that as people gain awareness and change their wrong thoughts and beliefs, their happiness increases. Because now their evaluation of events and situations has changed. For example; A person who believes that "I must be successful in everything, if I am not successful in everything I do, I am not fully successful" will be dragged into unhappiness because he will feel like a failure in any situation where he cannot be successful. However, if he can change this belief in a way that is more realistic and beneficial for him, he will not be so unhappy. For example; A way of thinking such as "I want to be successful, but I may not be successful in everything, my talent and knowledge may not be enough to do some things, this is normal" will not make him unhappy and will not make him feel unsuccessful.
As we see, our ways of thinking and believing affect our emotions. and affects our happiness. Our wrong and irrational thoughts and beliefs; It is formed under the influence of many factors such as what we have been exposed to since the first moments of our childhood, our observations, what we have been taught, and our education life. And we are not condemned to these ways of thinking and believing that make us unhappy. You can change these if you want.
Accept yourself as you are
First of all, you can start by accepting yourself as you are. This will give you an opportunity to notice their thoughts and beliefs.
What else can be done?
Realize and accept that you and others may be wrong. Everything you think or think about may not be true. Maybe your happiness To do this, you need to think realistically and correctly.
Don't worry too much about what people think about you. After all, they will only judge you by what they see. They don't know much about your inner world. What they think may not be true. So, what they think may not matter much, but you know the best truth about yourself.
Realize your own value and importance. To be a valuable and important person, you do not have to achieve great things, have good things, or be loved very much. You are valuable just because you exist. If you pay attention to your surroundings, you will realize that you are actually highly valued and cared for. People generally want to be valued in the way they want or they want the person they want to value them. Only then do they feel valuable and important. Perhaps the value and importance you expect is being offered to you by others, perhaps you need to realize this.
Express your feelings and thoughts more clearly to the people in front of you. When you are natural and outspoken, you will not receive as much reaction as you fear and you will not offend anyone. You may not want to hurt anyone because you are afraid of getting hurt. However, why should people be upset with you when you don't really want to offend or hurt them? Even though this happens sometimes, you cannot always be guilty.
In your world and life where you think happiness is quite difficult; You can take your happiness into your own hands by changing your own false and irrational thoughts and beliefs, improving your perspectives, and realizing your own self-worth.”
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