Our Self
We have a self that enables us to live our lives, regulates our human relations, and somehow determines how we will behave in every situation we encounter. This self emerges in the first 3 years of our lives and develops in other periods of our lives. It becomes clear especially during adolescence. Many definitions have been made on the self, but if we put it in an understandable and holistic context, the self is a term that defines who we are as a complete person, containing conscious and unconscious processes. We think about ourselves as poor, helpless, worthless, perfect, unique, cowardly, brave, successful, unsuccessful, etc. We have hundreds of self-images.
We can divide our self into two: real self and false self. The false self contains the desire to be loved, admired, approved, to maintain distance in relationships, etc. It has some defences. We use these defenses to get rid of troubles and to protect ourselves from bad emotions by moving away from reality at the expense of numbing ourselves. Its formation occurs in line with the expectations of the person who cares for us in the first three years of age, and throughout our lives we experience all these relationships as if we were with the first caregiver. This often becomes an unconscious and unhealthy cycle. For example, a baby who learns to receive conditional love acts thinking that he will only be loved as a result of the actions he takes throughout his life. To give another example, a child who has his say and does not know his limits in the first three years of life will expect everything to be the way he thinks in his adult life. The world literally revolves around him. These behaviors do not result from conscious thinking, but from unhealthy defenses that serve the false self.
The term real self is a natural, original, non-externally focused internal self that does not contain a false self. In order to better understand the true self, it is possible to talk about some of its capacities. Here are the capacities of people who have a real self:
The emotions of an individual who has developed a healthy real self and does not continue his life with the defenses of his false self are spontaneous, lively, natural and sincere. Feel your emotions vividly seder.
Perceiving oneself as one's complete self is another self-capacity. They should not feel weak, inadequate, worthless and helpless, nor should they have an overly inflated self-perception.
It is the person's ability to activate the self. Self-activation means that a person can achieve individuation and stand behind his actions. The basis of his actions is not dependent on external factors. He acts for himself, listening to the voice of his inner experiences. He does not live his life with an externally focused system, waiting for the approval of others. It defends itself against attacks from outside.
He accepts his self-activation and has self-confidence. It accepts that you deal with environmental situations in a positive and harmonious manner and reveals self-confidence.
It can soothe painful emotions. He makes plans independently by soothing painful emotions and continues his life by minimizing the negative emotions he experiences.
He can continue his self as a continuation of the person's experiences. In another experience, he accepts that he can adapt to this situation.
It is stable. He devotes himself to an object or relationship and insists on achieving the goal despite all obstacles.
It has creativity feature. Thanks to this feature, it transforms old and familiar patterns into different ones for itself.
Abandonment, extinction, ending, etc. in a relationship. He devotes himself to the relationship without any worries and expresses himself fully.
In summary, a person with a true self is a person who is mature, has strong potentials, has accepted his sexual identity, acts naturally, and has the ability to adapt.
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