''We are becoming increasingly trapped in our own worlds. Life becomes dull over time and filled with dissatisfaction. It seems that this dissatisfaction, this existential issue, will be the most common reason for people who will seek psychological support in the future. It is one of the most current, most talked about and trained topics. The human baby comes to life ready to bond with another. The formation of our self takes place in relationship with the other. A person is born in need of seeing himself through the other's gaze, feeling himself with the touch of the other, and loving himself with the love of the other. We create the feeling of 'I' by watching ourselves in the mirror of the other and being mirrored. This begins with the first relationship established in the first years of life. The first mirror in which the child will view his existence, that is, the first relationship he experiences, is the relationship established with the parent. In other words, the emotions reflected from the relationship established with the parent lay the foundation of the self. It places some core emotions within us. Am I loved or unloved, do I exist, is my existence valuable or worthless, am I sufficient or inadequate? All of these are shaped by what is reflected in us in our first relationship. To emphasize the strikingness of the situation, it would be appropriate to say that being in a relationship with the other is like the oxygen of the psychological structure. A person who cannot feel seen and loved is like being starved of oxygen.
We need connection. First we will connect, then we will individualize. We will believe that someone will be there for us, we will have a safe harbor where we can connect safely and be emotionally nourished. Then we will sail from this port, explore, and taste our independence. We will be able to abandon ourselves to the experience with the comfort of knowing internally that the port is there. While these theories explaining that it is not possible to be autonomous without connecting to someone we trust are so popular, it is quite thought-provoking that our ways of establishing relationships have evolved into the opposite. Although this contrast may seem tragicomic at first, perhaps the situation is quite meaningful. We become lonely in relationships. Relationships that are more in our own world, more shared, without a port, where real feelings exist less, and where we fend for ourselves, are increasing. I won't say selfish, because it's a common experience. I don't think we choose these relationships because we are selfish. On the contrary, it seems like we are learning how to survive in this habitat and how to continue on our way without any damage. We seem to be adapting to becoming lonely rather than becoming selfish. Maybe this is exactly why we feel such a need to talk about 'Attachment', the importance of close relationships and their effects on our inner world.
Something does not nourish us. Because this isolation is not compatible with our existence. Attachment and close relationship are two important emotional needs. A relationship in which our true feelings and identity are seen, noticed and known by the other. We see that a human baby, born in need of another and programmed to bond, journeys into a society where relationshiplessness gradually increases. When I think about this, an image of a fish washed ashore and struggling comes to mind. It's so out of existence, so compelling. I compare the human experience in our current time to that fish, and I think this will increase in the future. Relationships become irrelevant. Being in a relationship was the oxygen of our soul, but we are left without oxygen. As we remain without oxygen, our energy depletes. We try to go on with little oxygen and think this is normal. We normalize it so much that we have a hard time understanding the reason for lack of energy and burnout. We are starting to consist of individuals who withdraw into their own world, where emotional attachment and sharing gradually decrease. We neither touch ourselves nor anyone else. Making connections and commitment are scary. Establishing a bond is perceived as overly demanding, perhaps experienced as inhibiting. It seems that relationships in which revealing and sharing true emotions are not possible will increase.
So how will these relationships be? What will bring people together?
Here I want to talk about the concepts of false self and real self. The false self is an externally focused and results-oriented structure. Rather than experiencing life in line with the curiosity and enthusiasm that comes from within and from his essence, he lives his life based on whether it will bring him approval or applause from the outside world. Their preferences and relationships serve this purpose. The structure we call the real self is a more internally focused system. Ge He experiences his true feelings and pursues his true desires. He sees life not as a marathon in which we run towards the finish line, but as a true self-cultivating experience. It is not result-oriented, but experience-oriented. What makes the false self fake is the person living away from his own essence. The person evolves into what is accepted in society. The truth has not been able to discover itself. Because he has never had a port that would allow him to go on this expedition safely and where he could take shelter when he needed it. As such, he goes after the things that society says will make him happy and expects him to do. It aims to have certain things, acquire certain professions, reach a certain status, know certain people, and be in certain environments. The relationships and communication of a person who lives far from his essence will also be far from his essence. In an environment where there are many false selves, it is not possible to talk about real dialogues that touch real emotions. The person is like at a masquerade ball. When I evaluate it with the help of these concepts, I think that a future in which false selves increase awaits us. This indicates that our ways of establishing relationships will be more result-oriented and based on a more materialistic basis. People will actually look at relationships more focused on gain, as we see today. Another point is that it does not impose any burdens and does not contain any expectations. Here, many macro effects such as technology and consumer culture determine what receives society's approval.
Parents, with their concerns about providing good opportunities for their children, may miss touching their emotions and encouraging them to discover their true self. They don't know how to do this because no one has done this to them. It is quite natural and understandable that parents whose own emotions are not touched, who cannot feel understood in their close relationships, that is, parents whose true selves are not supported, cannot give this feeling to their children. This is where the vicious circle begins, showing us what the situation will look like in the future. For individuals who did not receive this in childhood, distant and contactless relationships that do not see emotions, and communications that do not arise from real curiosity, become 'natural' and 'habitual'. Because whatever a person experiences in his first relationship, he tends to repeat it in his adulthood and establish similar relationships. Being a false self �gets along.
We said that the false self is called fake because it is far from the essence. We cannot learn to hear our inner needs in an environment where our inner needs are not heard. We cannot pursue our inner curiosity in an environment where it is not encouraged. Such a life accumulates dullness and dissatisfaction over time. Even though he cannot clearly understand the reason, the person says 'something is not right', 'I don't feel satisfied'. I believe that this will be the most common reason for people seeking psychological support in the future. Existential issues will constitute the majority of requests for psychological support. What I mean by existential is the feeling of not being able to make sense of one's self and life, and a feeling of dissatisfaction that cannot be relieved. This is more like a due diligence of a process that has already begun, rather than a prophecy. I think this will gradually increase. This meaninglessness and dissatisfaction will be a feeling that an individual who cannot experience his true self and his inherent curiosity and enthusiasm, who cannot reveal his true feelings, who has never experienced improvement in the compassion of the other by sharing these feelings, and who cannot find a compassionate and unconditionally loving other in his family or adulthood will be right to feel.
Of course, there will be people who deviate from what I mentioned, who establish bonds that will remain outside of this picture, who give meaning to life and who experience their true self. There are and will be many people who are looking for and trying to find their true self. This group may be difficult, may not be understood often, may be considered romantic. He will hope to meet people who can form similar bonds. However, when we look at it as a majority, I think relations will evolve in this direction.
I believe that the need for psychological support will increase in this sense. However, I think that the center of the need for psychological support here will be the person's need for a relationship in which they are accepted and can share their feelings comfortably. For individuals who cannot find this in relationships in life, the need to purchase this relationship will probably increase. The need for psychological support will increase for the individual who becomes increasingly lonely in his close relationships and cannot talk about his inner world with his spouse, friend, or child. A lack of human contact awaits us, where no one can be a safe haven for anyone else, and where the need for a port is seen as a weakness. More in his own world, higher lower, more walled and less contact human communications.
*Franz Kafka
Read: 0
