Child neglect; It is when the person responsible for taking care of the child is unable or unwilling to meet the child's needs for various reasons.
Abuse is when the child is subjected to physically, emotionally or sexually harmful treatment by the person responsible for caring for him/her or by someone else.
In particular, ignorance is the economic inadequacy of the family; not every economically insufficient family neglects or abuses its child; the parents or caregivers of the child do not have sufficient information about the child's development; or even if they know, it is due to both their own childhood experiences and the common problems in some parts of our society. The main reasons for child neglect and abuse are neglecting or physical-emotional abuse of their children due to beliefs, some parents becoming parents at a very young age, parents separating and the person caring for the child holding the child responsible for this situation, not wanting to live with the child or having a second marriage.
When I was a child, my father used to beat us a lot, words of physical abuse such as "look how we became men, that can happen", "beating is from heaven", "he who does not beat his daughter will beat his knee", neglect such as "we grew up on our own and started working at the age of 10-15, did we have our parents behind us?" Each of us have heard these words many times.
There are thousands of parents who force their children to work, do not send them to school, do not allow them to benefit from health services, do not care about their child's whereabouts and condition, do not show interest and compassion, that is, neglect their children.
There are families who use physical violence on their children, injure them with slaps, kicks and punches, or use hot water, ironing, cigarettes, etc. There are families who abuse their children emotionally. We constantly encounter families who constantly insult and threaten their children, call their children names, threaten to deprive the child of love or be abandoned, and criticize the child's personality, not the behavior, when he makes a wrong move. For example; There are parents who constantly humiliate their children, instead of saying "You didn't do well enough in your classes today, you're stupid", instead of saying "it's wrong for you to get on that chair", they say you're naughty. When we encounter a parent who uses violence against a child, we ask whether the child should be hit directly. We often remain silent to parents who engage in sexual abuse. But he made his parents very angry, the woman couldn't stand it, what should she do, etc. We even rationalize it as such.
But rest assured that the prospective consequences of emotional abuse on the child are at least as severe as physical or sexual abuse. It can cause hatred of parents, withdrawal, development of antisocial behavior and even diagnosis of attention deficit or learning disability without any biological reason.
Sexual abuse is when a child is inflicted by someone at least six years older than him/her. It is defined as being subjected to sexual interaction by force or persuasion for the purpose of sexual pleasure. This abuse can be done in a way that does not involve sexual contact, such as talking about sexuality, exposing oneself in front of the child, making the child watch programs with sexual content, or voyeurizing the child while he or she is dressing or undressing, or the contact may also include touching and sexual intercourse. Each of these actions, whether there is physical contact or not, is considered sexual abuse.
According to research, the prevalence of sexual abuse in Turkey is 1.4%. It has been determined that 20% of women and 7% of men in our country were exposed to sexual abuse at least once in their childhood. Of course, this is just the tip of the iceberg, there are thousands of unrecorded cases of abuse. Especially, my child should not be tainted, no one should hear about it, they will think badly about my child, he cannot marry in the future, if his father finds out, he will kill the man, become a murderer, there will be a massacre, etc. Unfortunately, sexual abuse cases are often hidden for some reason.
Since the vast majority of abusers are people whom the family knows well and considers reliable, this situation is thoroughly covered up and parents may even think that the child is lying. Yes, contrary to popular belief, abusers are homeless drug addicts, etc. who suddenly come across them in lonely streets or in the dark. The majority of abusers are not individuals, but people whom the family knows closely, knows and trusts, is over the age of 30, is married, is described as fatherly and helpful, and in places where children are abused, the routes they constantly go to, such as between home and school, or the person they know. They treat the house as their own when the parents are not around.
Children do not lie about this, the first rule of parents should always be to believe the child. Parents should not cover it up or say nothing will happen once. Abuse events, whether single or repeated, cause serious trauma to the child. One should not think that it will not happen to my child or that it will happen to homeless, neglected girls. This situation; It can happen to children of all ages and genders in every geography.
So how do we know if our child is being sexually abused if he doesn't tell? If a child:
1. If vomiting, headache, abdominal pain and diarrhea occur very frequently
2. If you observe pain, swelling or bruising in the genital area or if there is sudden difficulty in sitting position and inability to turn from one side to the other when sitting
3. If there is sudden withdrawal, not wanting to talk to anyone, not wanting to do anything, dullness or constant crying, tantrums
4. If the child shows behaviors such as excessive cleaning or not cleaning at all, playing sexually explicit games, you should suspect that the child has been exposed to sexual abuse.
Children often hide the abuse without telling it. Because they are too young, they may not be able to express what happened, they may have been threatened or bribed, they may think that no one will believe them, or they may think that they will be angry and blamed.
If your child has said or you have detected that he or she has been sexually abused; Believe what your child tells you, do not give exaggerated reactions, tell him that this situation is not his fault, make him feel safe, do not ask questions based on curiosity such as where, what happened, how it happened, ask what he is feeling, try to understand and support him. Instead of telling everyone about this incident, keep it limited and among people who may be beneficial to the child. Inform him about the legal processes that will occur after the incident occurs.
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