Setting limits is showing and teaching the child signs that will help and guide him/her in determining the area where the child can move and feel safe. Setting limits determines what the child can and cannot do and is necessary for healthy development. It does not mean suppressing the child
, setting strict limits, or taking control in every aspect.
Why do children need boundaries?
Children want to know and explore the world they are in. In this process, they need guiding clues. Boundaries are important because they make the child feel
safe. It teaches the child what he should and should not do in the world he explores and how to deal with the consequences of his
behaviors.
Benefits of setting limits for the child:
Rules and boundaries make our lives easier, as well as the lives of children. While we, as adults,
need limits and rules in our lives, when we consider the cognitive level of children, we can understand how much they need limits, rules, and routines. Children can feel safe when there are boundaries.
For example, imagine there are no traffic lights. You probably don't
feel safe. Without boundaries, as in this example, many things can become more complicated for children
. Boundaries also contribute to the development of children's social skills
. In this way, children do not have difficulty in adapting to the rules of social life, they learn which
behavior is accepted and which behavior is not. You will block it. With limits and rules
children; They learn to take responsibility, control themselves and make their own decisions.
While setting limits for the child, the mother and father offer some alternatives at the end of the behavior the child does and wants to do. The child chooses one of them and accepts the result
of the option he chose. In this way, the child develops his emotion.
All � Children try to test the limits set. This may annoy parents and may tire them at times, but testing and challenging parents allows a child to learn which behaviors are acceptable and which are unacceptable. When you say no to your child, you are telling your child that you do not approve of what he/she wants, and he/she will understand that this is a clear boundary. Conversely, when you say yes
, you are saying that you approve of what he wants. This also applies when you don't really want to say yes but
your child has worn you out and you feel unable to argue with him or you say yes anyway
because you don't want to be the bad guy/woman. In order not to create confusion in such situations,
only say yes to your child if it is in his/her best interest, because when you say yes, he/she assumes that you approve of what he/she wants, even if it is not actually the case.
Children do not comply with limits and rules. What should parents do when the child wants or commits a boundary violation?
First of all, instead of reacting immediately when the child wants or commits a boundary violation, think about the reasons. Since children are already going through a difficult process due to treatment, it is much more important to listen to them and try to understand them. In such a situation, first listen to what your child
has to say, determine consequences appropriate to the boundaries he/she wants or violates, and
do not forget to clearly explain in advance what these consequences will be. Remember that it is very important to be consistent and above all determined. If it is not consistent, the child cannot foresee what he will get in return for his
behavior and cannot adjust his behavior accordingly. This causes confusion in the
child.
Suggestions for families about setting limits for the child:
First of all, you should give the message we want to give to the children clearly and directly, because they are aware of the
rules and accepted rules. They are not born knowing behavior. Since our job as parents
is to teach them, we must explain our rules clearly and clearly. We can teach the rules with our words and
actions, but when our words and actions do not match, children will not listen to our
words. They can come to our senses and test us with their behavior. In this way, they learn to adjust their behavior according to their experiences and
reactions. Children who find it difficult to set limits
push the boundaries to determine our rules and expectations. These reactions
are normal, but since the temperament characteristics of each child are different, we may see different
reactions from each child. A negative relationship between the child and the parent can also make it difficult to set boundaries.
In many cases, the problem stems from unclear communication about boundaries. For this reason
it is very important to establish clear and accurate communication to determine boundaries.
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