I wanted to write an article about the current change of love, which has emerged from the eighteenth century romanticism and is now showing its face in virtual media, which has witnessed the effort to prove love with the rush that started days ago. Don't worry about whether there is a virtual version of love, in fact, love is perhaps one of the most intense virtual experiences due to the idealization in its content, that is, the act of exalting the person you fall in love with. After all, we idealize the person we have the least idea about.
In the movie Who You Think I Am, starring Juliette Binoche, which I had the opportunity to watch towards the end of 2019 , a striking look at twenty-first century romance and love is presented through what happens to the character Claire, played by the artist. In her early fifties, divorced Claire falls in love with a man she met on social media. She hides her true identity and the direction of her problems 'supposedly' changes. She obsessively tries to manage her relationship through social media. I think one of the things that virtual environments change in us is love. There is a line in the movie that Claire uses in a session with her psychiatrist. While defining love, he says: "I want him to love and calm the child inside me." However, wasn't love an effort to hold on to what we needed?
Love belongs to the person to whom we keep alive the things we consider lacking in ourselves and some of our unmet needs. Our soul mate is the person who will complete us and find solutions to the despair of life together. With love, we ignore death to some extent. It is a state of war where reality is lost. No matter what people say, our eyes cannot see and our ears cannot hear. Of course, every human behavior has its share of this, the world looks different to the eye. Your self may be temporarily unattainable because instead of being 'me', you start acting thinking that the person you are in love with will love you no matter who you are. How can one become selfish when giving up the 'I'? Even if he gives up, the lover cannot think of 'you' rather than being 'me'. He wants to be loved, owned, wants to be special and unique. So I want you, but I want you to want me. Therefore, selfishness dominates every stage of love. Idealization is an important component of love h Get it, it's a must. It makes us forget that the other person may have flaws, just like every other person. As this exaltation increases, love is experienced as a kind of fanaticism. Intense emotions, palpitations that wake up in the middle of the night, dreams... There are so many things about love. Words, poems, songs, pictures, movies, places, special occasions...
Friedrich Nietzche says, "We are not in love with the desired, but with the desire itself." We want to fall in love. We wonder what it feels like. We ask each other if we have ever been in love, we try to understand how we feel. The question of who we fell in love with comes later. The important thing is love, the idea of the loved one serves love. We see that social media and virtual environments have intense effects on relationships and love in recent years. Now even the lover does not only have one concept of 'I', who knows how many 'I's they have in the digital world. Have we ever seen times when people were so close to each other and yet so far apart? Impatient loves, passionless correspondence, falling in love immediately and giving up immediately, that is, not waiting and giving a chance, wondering if this is the stop where I should stop or if I will come across a more suitable stop for me in the future (where my soul mate could be)... It is not easy for a person to touch another person like that. It seems like love has been left behind for a long time. Even the pain was beautiful.
However, when you reach mature love, you will enjoy the taste of trust, of loving, of being loved. You know that every person has flaws, you give up on perfection and find serenity. How will you know what you need without touching eye to eye, without speaking word to word, without waiting patiently and learning to forgive mistakes, without knowing yourself first? Stay in love, love…
Read: 0
