“I do not restrict my child in anything, he can do whatever he wants. I will raise my child free,
We grew up deprived of many things, I will not let my child experience the same..." the sentences go on and on. These
sentences can often be accompanied by the words "the ruler of our house, I swear, this child is the ruler of our house
he has us playing around with his finger" in a positive mood and with a smile.
For his children. It can be said that some parents, who think the best, are not very willing to set limits for their children, either with the intention of doing a favor to their children or with concerns such as "if my child does not love me, his/her psychology will be negatively affected, and we will have a falling out." What I would like to emphasize at this point is that setting limits is not a method of punishment, and that we do not restrict our love for our child when setting limits; we only limit the child's behavior.
When the baby is born. He is born in the middle of the unknown, and naturally, every stimulus around him creates danger, threat and anxiety for him. A little child who is stuck between not knowing what is right or wrong and the uncertainty of what should or shouldn't be done says "show me my limits, I'm lost, I'm scared!" I think it would be appropriate to say that parents who do not hear their voices are doing harm to their children without realizing it. All he wants is for someone to guide him and lead him. In this process, the child's challenging behavior manifests itself naturally
because while the child discovers his own limits, he also tests the limits of the other person, that is, the limit setter
. All he wants is to try to get information about how far he can go, how hard he can push.
What he wants to see is a confident, strong rule-maker who does not give up.
When he receives the message "I am strong, you can trust me", that's when he feels safe
. Isn't that the meaning of boundaries? To give messages to the child, "You are safe, you are valuable, you are protected."
Our duty as parents is to raise, raise, develop, educate our children, p>
things � To teach, to respond to social, emotional and psychological needs as well as physiological needs. It is very difficult and dangerous for them to explore the world on their own. They cannot make the right decisions on their own
nor can they set limits for themselves. Of course, the task of meeting this need falls on parents. Can we realize how we put children under a huge burden by not setting limits or teaching them the rules?
There is a life outside the house, and in a sense, the life outside is rehearsed at home.
Knowing the boundaries makes it very easy for the child to adapt to the rules of life outside.
Boundaries exist and should be to meet the needs of the child. It is important to be selective when setting boundaries
. Unfortunately, limiting everything and imposing rules on the child are among the most common mistakes made.
What needs to be done is to remove dangerous things from the environment and provide a safe living space for the child as much as possible
. Before restricting the child's behavior and telling the child 'no', it may be useful to stop and think about whether the behavior is harmful to the child himself and those around him.
Boundary One of the uncertainties faced by parents who intend to set limits is about how the limits should be explained to the child
and the important points to be considered in this process.
The issue of setting limits is becoming more difficult, especially for children who grow up in large families. It appears as a situation
. Perhaps one of the most important points is that after determining the boundaries, each member of the family should have the same attitude regarding the implementation of these boundaries. If the child who does not receive approval from one family member is already sure that he will receive approval from another family member, unfortunately the boundaries become dysfunctional
. It is extremely important for all family members to show a common attitude "for the good of the child" on this issue.
Consistency of the rules is another sensitive issue. A rule should always
be valid under normal circumstances. The important point here is that the rules depend on the age of the child. It must be suitable for e-developmental characteristics
. Rules should be flexible when necessary, new rules should be added, or rules should be eliminated
. While doing these, the characteristics of the child and the environment should be taken into account, and it should be done with the knowledge of every member of the family. It should be explained to the child in a logical way that the child can understand why a rule is not applied at that moment.
When making a rule, it should be explained to the child why that rule exists. Saying "If I say it can't happen, it can't happen, there is a reason" is an approach that motivates children not to obey the rules rather than being convincing for them.
Children take it as a model. They learn and parents need to be the right role model for their children when it comes to following the rules. What makes it easier for the child to comply with a rule that teeth should be brushed before going to bed may be that other members of the family brush their teeth together with the child.
It is presented to the child through effective and accurate communication. The message given by the rules will be more effective. In addition to the messages
being clear; It is very important that the words we say, our facial expressions, our body posture and our tone of voice support each other.
Another issue that makes it easier for children to comply with the rules is when the child exhibits appropriate behavior
Praising him with verbal expressions and showing the child that we are satisfied and approved with our facial expressions.
By reinforcing the desired behaviors, we increase the probability and frequency of these behaviors.
Offering the child an alternative is to prevent the child from insisting too much on pushing the limits. It is a very
useful way. "You can't play here, but look, you can play here as much as you want." Sentences
You can't eat ice cream right now because you're sick, but I can buy you your favorite cake" may be examples of this situation.
>For the parents who think "There are no limits for every child, our child is different, the rules do not apply to him/her", I would like to express my opinion that "there are not the same rules for every child, there are rules that are appropriate for the child."
If we compare the borders to a picture or photo frame; frame photo It is an important detail that protects the photograph, keeps it standing, and gives a stance to the photograph. Our duty as parents is to find a suitable frame for the photo.
Expert. Psk. Şahika Akkuş Sert
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