As Pestalozzi said, "the education of a child is like the education of a flower." A job that requires attention, care and skill is not only based on rules and methods, it cannot be learned in books, it requires dedication. Think of me, adults, a flower, first you dig the soil and plant seeds. Suitable conditions must be provided for it to bloom. If you water and fertilize it on time, it will bloom. A flower will wither if it is touched too much or if it is left in a corner and forgotten. I am like a flower, I want everything when it darkens.
When we couldn't share a toy with my brother and we started fighting, you came, my beautiful mother, my beautiful father, who wanted to teach me everything but was sometimes inadequate in practice. Here you are, when that moment comes, your face is black like the bottom of the pot you showed me a few days ago when you got angry and complained when you forgot the food on the stove, your hands are like always when you put on this facial expression, only the others are tightly closed in the air next to your fat finger, and your voice is like that terrible sound that comes out in rainy weather, the last one. The voice that comes to my ear is usually "Enough, go to your rooms!"
When I answer you, you can get even more angry, sometimes you can punish me. Punishment when I don't eat, punishment when I don't stay smart, punishment when I don't take my medicine, punishment when I don't do my lessons, punishment when we disagree with you. Punishment... However, I was a living creature, maybe you had forgotten that. I don't remember when I first heard this word in my 5 years of life, but it was always there somewhere. I would learn much later that this type of behavior is called authoritarian-punitive parenting attitude.
In authoritarian parenting attitudes; It is seen that they warn them to be. This attitude is the cause of inadequate social development. There is no room for discussion in such an environment. Parent's thought: "You'll just do it the way I say, that's all." It limits the child with the sentence "I am the mother / father, and you are the child" and forces the child to do what he wants. Does not take into account the child's wishes and needs. The parents arrive at the scene angry and, like a prosecutor, examine the details and try to distinguish between right and wrong.
Unshared toys and siblings' arguments give way to parents' anger. Sibling quarrels fall into the background, the problem is not the sharing of toys, but the insults and disrespectful words spoken to each other. Parents - who got it first? Statements that are far from solution such as – one of you is lying to me – you are punished, go to your rooms etc. will leave deep wounds. The parents have solved the problem with their authority, but what has the child learned?
Yes, the undesirable behavior has stopped, the fight has ended, but the child has lost problem solving skills, responsibility. He has not learned his consciousness. Because the parents made all the decisions and the child was left out of the problem-solving process. While the child who is under excessive discipline and pressure from the parents may have a quiet, timid and resentful personality structure, children in families where control is dominant while withholding love may become anxious and rebellious. Characteristics such as not being able to establish healthy relationships with people, being quarrelsome and disagreeable, not being able to control one's emotions, irritability, sudden anger, insecurity, unfounded fear and anxiety can be encountered.
While you are thinking about whether you have a punitive authoritarian parenting attitude, let me start listing my wishes for you. ,
Parents,
-Instead of taking away all my rights and punishing me, give me the opportunity to gain problem-solving skills and teach me to solve my own problems
-Whatever you like Show me that you love me not only when I do things but also when I fail at something, teach me unconditional love
-Let me take responsibility, teach me to take responsibility for a family in the future
-Teach me that a loud voice is not a danger ,
- Teach me that listening to the other person means being an individual, that I am a living creature
As long as you teach me, I am ready to imitate you...
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