The Importance of Negative Emotions in Communication

Negative emotions are natural, just like positive emotions, and being aware of these emotions and accepting them is the most important step of communication. Just as the lack of expression of positive emotions such as 'I love you' is a problem, the lack of expression of negative emotions also creates problems in relationships. We say that a man who does not caress his daughter's head or does not buy flowers for his wife does not show his feelings. While we can show our emotions through such behaviors, we can also show them through verbalization. This concept, which is referred to as the expression of emotions in the psychology literature, means verbally expressing the feelings we are experiencing at that moment to the other party. What I observe in Turkish society is that they mostly express emotions through behavior. However, verbal expression of emotions is both more frequently needed and more practical and functional. However, we are raised without being encouraged to express our emotions. In fact, we often learn from our parents that we need to suppress our emotions instead of accepting and expressing them. Even telling a child "Shut up, you are little" gives the message that that child's world, feelings and thoughts are unimportant. Some parents, on the other hand, only approve and allow the child to express his or her "justified" feelings. However, emotions exist and, like thoughts, their rightness or wrongness cannot be discussed. What a parent needs to do is to accept the child's feelings as they are. A child who grows up in an upbringing where the expression of his emotions is not allowed, not only fails to express his emotions when he becomes an adult, but also fails to recognize his emotions. As an adult or in his marriage, he cannot manage his emotions, which can be 'destructive' like anger. Instead of saying "I am upset or angry with you", he shows his anger with inappropriate behavior. When we verbalize our feelings, we take the first step towards a solution because we make the other party aware of our own feelings, and at the same time, we avoid the negative behavior we would do if we did not express our feelings. A healthy adult only accepts that anger is a natural emotion and expresses his anger in a way appropriate to the person concerned. If he does, then he will control his anger.

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