Many people; When meeting someone new or having to speak in public, they may become excited or shy. However, social anxiety, also known as “Social Anxiety Disorder”, is much more than shyness or excitement in some situations.
“Crowd” I don't feel comfortable anywhere. It feels like everyone is looking at me”
“I don't even know where to put my hand around others. I try not to be noticed by paying attention to my phone."
"I really want to express my opinion in a meeting, but I can't speak at all because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing."
"I'm afraid of raising my hand in class. If I say something ridiculous, if my voice sounds bad, if no one can hear me, if I stutter… My friends will make fun of me and I will be embarrassed.”
“It is very difficult for me to speak in front of a group. I blush, my voice shakes, my heart beats fast and I try to get over that moment by talking quickly.”
I have had many clients say these and similar sentences. I see that they cannot understand what the problem they are experiencing is and that they comment to themselves, "My self-confidence is very low." First of all, we explain that the problem is not actually a self-confidence problem, but that they experience social anxiety.
What is Social Anxiety?
“Social anxiety”; It is the process of withdrawing from social communication by focusing on what others will think of oneself and, as a result, remaining weak in terms of social skills.
Blushing, sweating, trembling hands, making mistakes that may humiliate oneself while speaking or performing any action in public. There is the possibility of continuing the problem by resorting to escape, avoidance and safety behaviors out of fear of doing something
Let me explain with an example:
A female named A, a 2nd year university student; She has problems being in the same environment with men. If A speaks in front of men; She thinks that she will be embarrassed by saying something wrong/nonsensical and that they will make fun of her.
She may have had a negative experience with this in the past. It is very possible that he did not see that the event he experienced was related to that moment and the people there and made a generalization. She may have developed assumptions such as "Men are so cruel", "I shouldn't make mistakes around men, otherwise they will make fun of me". Most people are not aware of such assumptions.
Let's go back to our example;
Because of these beliefs and assumptions, A engages in avoidance behavior by trying not to sit near men at all. If their girlfriends insist and have to sit down; She is blushing, her heartbeat is increasing, her hands are shaking. He is afraid that these physical sensations will be noticed and he avoids them by not talking at all. Or he resorts to security behaviors by playing with his phone, going through his bag, or trying to create a safe environment by staying in a secluded corner.
A causes the problem to continue to become more severe with every escape, avoidance or safety behavior he uses to prevent what he fears from happening to him. In the process, while her communication and social skills with her girlfriends improve, her communication and social skills with her boyfriends weaken. Thus, "social anxiety disorder" begins to occur.
When A hears that there will be a group study involving male and female students; His heartbeat increases, his hands shake, he sweats, he blushes, and he experiences intense anxiety. You can predict what will happen to you days or even weeks in advance. He experiences anticipatory anxiety by imagining impossible situations. This may also be accompanied by a depressive mood. Locking himself in his room, not wanting to see anyone, eating and sleeping problems...
Result; A cannot stand this situation and either quits school or resorts to treatment at the insistence of a conscious family or relative.
How Can I Cope with Social Anxiety Myself?
Your anxiety may not be as intense as A's. You may experience it at different levels and with different severity. If the anxiety you experience is at a milder level, you should try to deal with your social anxiety yourself.
First of all, write down a list of what you expect from yourself in social environments (your standards): My voice should sound good, everyone should listen to me. I should listen and not say even a single wrong word...
Question how normal these expectations about life and people are... How realistic are these expectations of yours? Have you ever seen people other than you say the wrong word, spill water on the table, or blush?
Well, let's say these didn't happen. What happens? I would be disgraced, everyone would laugh at me, I could never look at them again...
Is it really so? Is it really a disaster if you don't have expectations from yourself? Have you ever seen a person whose tongue slips or whose voice sounds different and clears his throat? Was he embarrassed or did the conversation continue as if nothing had happened?
Answer all these for yourself. Have you noticed right now that you are expecting perfection and even the impossible from yourself, not what is healthy and realistic?
Now make a list of the people, places and environments you avoid. Even if you are worried or uneasy at first, address them step by step. Because unless you do these, the frequency and frequency of your anxiety will decrease. The intensity is increasing.
You can also try to see the following social situations as an exercise and apply them:
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Go to dinner with a close relative, friend or acquaintance in a crowded place.
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Greet others by making eye contact or try to be the first to say 'hello'. .
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Compliment someone.
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If you are a student, raise your hand and ask questions without thinking.
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Ask for help from a salesperson in a store, ask the price.
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Ask a stranger for an address.
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To others. Show interest: Ask questions about their work, children, hobbies, travels, etc.
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Call a friend to schedule.
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Join a volunteer group or course on a subject you enjoy. This way, you can try communicating with others in a small group while you focus on something you love.
When Do I Need Treatment?
If the anxiety you experience in social environments;
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If it negatively affects your harmony with yourself, your family, and society,
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If it disrupts your functionality while you are working, studying, or living your life, that is, if it affects your daily life, you should definitely get treated.
Because "social anxiety" is not a disorder that goes away on its own.
How Do We Treat Social Anxiety Disorder?
Social Anxiety is a treatable disorder. Medication and psychotherapy (talk-based psychological treatment) are applied for Social Anxiety. If there is depression at the level experienced by A, we will implement In addition to psychotherapy, we recommend that our client be referred to a psychiatrist to start medication.
The most commonly used psychotherapy method in social anxiety is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. First, we move on to the Cognitive stage, and then when ready, we move on to the Behavioral stage. At the cognitive stage; There are stages such as recognizing feelings of anxiety and physical reactions to this anxiety, understanding the thoughts in situations that cause anxiety, finding basic assumptions and beliefs, and developing coping strategies against them.
In the behavioral stage; There are different techniques we apply to each client, such as being a model, role playing in the therapy room so that the client can perceive the symptoms more clearly, social skills training, and then addressing the complaints within a program that the psychotherapist and the client do together (specific to the client).
There are many different techniques. We continue to successfully apply Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy to help our clients learn to cope with social anxiety disorder and apply it skillfully throughout their lives.
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