Oh, what is it that causes these people so much trouble? Do we have prejudices? Do we have legitimate reasons? Or is it the problem of not being able to show the sensitivity we show to a neighbor to those with whom we are family?
What is a family?
Whether you have a child or not, even if you are a single parent with an only child or from previous marriages? A community of individuals living under the same roof with the same goal, even if they are children, shows the "family" structure. There are certain roles for people here; mother-father, mother-in-law-father-in-law, bride-groom, parent-child... In functional families, these roles are clearly and appropriately determined. In some families, there is confusion between roles and negative relationships.
Functional families;
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sharing emotions,
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accepting individual differences,
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cooperative,
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satisfying basic needs to sustain life ensuring that the >
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It consists of individuals who can express their feelings of appreciation,
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who have strong communication skills,
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who can spend time together.
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If some of these functions are not fulfilled, dysfunctional families are formed. Think of a pot of tea on the stove; Everyone drinks tea from that teapot, but some like it light, some like it dark, some like it with sugar, some like it unsweetened. And the person who pours the tea distributes the tea by paying attention to this, but if he does not know how the drinker drinks when he first pours it, he cannot pour it accordingly. But when he learns, he pays attention to it. Likewise, when a situation occurs, it is necessary to adjust behavior according to the people in the environment, and although it may be difficult to choose the appropriate behavior the first time, it will become easier in the future. And if we think of a tea strainer as the values that the family has, the holes of this strainer should be exactly right so that nothing that will spoil the taste will happen, and these values can protect the family from external interventions. If we consider the fire that warms the teapot as tolerance, we know that the taste of tea will be lost without warming up, and there can be peace in unity without tolerance. We know that suffering will increase. In short, a cup of tea IS FAMILY, and there is nothing better than a cup of tea drunk with pleasure…”
So what should be done to drink this tea with pleasure?
One must accept that there will be no sea without waves, no rose without thorns. The construction phase of a construction is difficult, but the result can be astonishing. Let's remember that the Blue Mosque was completed in 17 years and look at its current magnificence. Just as you give time to get to know each other with people you just met, brides should give time to their mothers-in-law and mothers-in-law should give time to their daughters-in-law. You've just met! If you say that it will be my way, I don't care what he is or what he wants, you will start with a zero loss. Be careful…
Girl mothers are also important here. While your daughter lives with you, she may be an apprentice in housework, but it's time to become a master. Let him take firm steps towards becoming a master. Never spare yourself to do the cooking and cleaning...
Your child may have problems with his/her spouse, of course there will be arguments in marriages, only the language of communication is important. Of course, you will constantly ask how their relationship is going, but do not insist by asking in a controlling manner. Let young people solve their problems among themselves. Support needs can be met, one can be a good listener, but the person who directly solves the problem should be the individual experiencing the problem. If they have a problem at work, do you go and find a solution? No.. He can handle it himself. It can also be handled in marriage. Let them get to know each other well. Remember, everyone's jurisdiction is their own home.
Dear couples, do not confide in your family at the slightest problem. You can solve it among yourself. All you have to do is to reach an agreement with your spouse using "I language" and empathy, without making accusations. Remember, the person you want to share your life with is your "spouse".
Daughters-in-law, do not forget that your mother-in-law also has feelings. You may have individual differences, this stems from generational differences, region, and upbringing styles. See and accept your differences and respect each other with your differences.
I would like to complete my article with one last example.
While a couple is having breakfast on the balcony of the house they just moved into, the woman is on the opposite balcony. He notices the woman hanging the laundry. He says to his wife, "Oh look at him, doesn't he know how to do laundry? He doesn't know, doesn't he see that the laundry is black!" His wife doesn't say anything. And this conversation is repeated for a few more mornings. About a month has passed, and one day, the woman looked at the balcony opposite and said, "Oh, sir, did you see that the woman has learned to wash the laundry, the laundry is completely white." I wonder who taught it? His wife looks at him and says, "I cleaned our windows the other day."!!!
Yes, POINT OF VIEW! Sometimes we need to change our perspective. You can achieve happiness by changing your perspective!
May you have years in which you change your perspective, know the key to the "I" language, and drink a cup of tea with pleasure!
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