Sexual reluctance can generally be described as the inability to initiate, enjoy or complete sexual intercourse. There are three stages of sexuality. These are sexual desire, arousal and orgasm. When people do not have sexual desire, which is the first stage of starting sexual intercourse, it is an inevitable result that they do not have a satisfactory sexual life. Thus, a latent avoidance of sexuality occurs due to lack of sexual desire or loss of interest in sex. Couples who avoid touching each other begin to distance themselves emotionally and experience relationship problems. The situation, which starts with sexual reluctance and disrupts sexual life, then turns into couple and marriage problems. Sexual reluctance is one of the most common reasons why couples apply to therapy.
Decreased sexual desire in women, also known as sexual desire disorder; It is the absence or low sexual desire. The term frigid, that is, cold, began to be used in the 1950s for women who did not have sexual desire. The term frigid is a misnomer. Because in reality there is no frigid woman. This term is frequently used in daily life and a woman with any sexual problems is called "frigid". However, there are very few women who experience complete sexual reluctance. A woman who experiences sexual reluctance does not feel erotic satisfaction or sexual pleasure. It does not show signs of physiological arousal. It remains dry even if stimulated by its partner. These women do not feel pleasure from sexual stimulation and behavior. Physiologically, they do not show signs of sexual arousal. Although some enjoy touch, many do not feel even the slightest pleasure. Some people hate sexual intercourse. It may take some time for many women to be encouraged to have a sexual response and to be able to experience it easily and naturally. According to the value judgments of the environment in which they grew up and came from, women may think that the only thing to expect from sexuality is to be a wife who fulfills her duty and the mother of the children she longs to give birth to. Fear of pregnancy is one of the important reasons for a woman's frigidity. One of the common problems is that sexuality is described as shameful, sinful and bad when raising girls. As a result, the new house It becomes difficult for a young girl who is sexually abused to adapt to a mature sexual life. A newly married young girl should not be expected to experience sexuality like a woman.
There may be different reasons why a woman does not react to sexual stimulation. The reasons for reluctance may depend on biological, psychological and social factors. About 1% of women actually have a physical problem. The problem of the remaining 99% is completely psychological.
What are the Reasons for Lack of Sexual Reluctance in Women?
1-Physical Factors: Aging and menopause, staying away from sexuality for a long time, some medications used, chronic diseases such as alcoholism, kidney, liver and heart failure, thyroid diseases, diabetes and high blood pressure, neurological problems such as multiple sclerosis and Parkinson's, surgical removal of the uterus, hormonal imbalances, puerperal and breastfeeding periods after birth, ignorance of the structure and functions of the sexual organs, Gynecological disorders that will affect sexual life such as cervical infections, vaginal infections such as vaginal fungus, trichomonas, vaginal discharge, dryness caused by age-related hormonal deficiency, adhesions that occur after surgery, and feeling pain during intercourse.
2-Psychological Factors: Sexual ignorance, negative thoughts about sexuality, exaggerated sexual stories, vaginismus, excessive stress, incompatibilities and conflicts between spouses, homosexuality, marital problems, concerns about body shape, boredom, sexual traumas, rape, death of someone in the family, birth of a child, moving Important life events such as, not paying the necessary attention to the relationship, some negative memories being established due to sexual intercourse, perception of having sexual intercourse as a crime or sin, anxiety disorder and depression.
Psychological reasons include partner or relationship problems or Loss of interest in the partner is a common cause. In the treatment of sexual desire disorder, a more detailed evaluation of the person's partner and relationship is required compared to other sexual dysfunctions.
Sexual orientation problems are another cause of sexual reluctance. Sometimes the person is aware that his sexual interest is towards his own gender, but he does not want this situation to be noticed by others, so he resists it. He can have a relationship with people and get married. Marriage may also cause sexual reluctance.
The main symptom of sexual reluctance in men, as in women, is the absence of sexual desire. As a result, there is a decrease in the frequency of sexual intercourse. On the other hand, symptoms such as the development of depressive feelings, fatigue and weakness are observed. In addition to being generally related to psychological factors, sexual reluctance in men may also occur as a result of lack of testosterone, the male hormone. Testosterone is the main factor effective in regulating sexual drive, that is, libido, in men. Sexual reluctance due to psychological reasons may show different symptoms from time to time depending on various effective factors, especially stress. While there may be a decrease in sexual desire from time to time, there may also be an increase. But sexual reluctance that develops due to organic factors is mild at first and becomes evident over time.
Prejudices against sexuality, various myths and fears arising from them, social sexual judgments, individual traumatic experiences, lack of interest in the partner or decreased interest over time. experiences of cheating or being cheated on, fear of being cheated on, fear of death, disease phobias, lack of self-confidence, partner becoming dominant in the relationship, social status concerns, fears of social life, stress and fears related to business life, childhood traumas, traumas of abuse and rape as a child. All kinds of psychological negative factors such as mood disorders, various obsessions, family problems, religious concerns, fear of failure cause sexual reluctance in men. The individual may struggle with these psychological factors himself or may need to seek help.
A frequently encountered situation recently is that the man has little or no sexual desire for his partner. A man who avoids sexual intercourse with his wife has sexual desire, but cannot have sex with his wife. The main reasons for these may be problems in marital relations, porn addiction, masturbation addiction, erection and premature ejaculation problems that develop later, which we call secondary. Additionally, factors that cause sexual reluctance include: Individual and first experiences are important. It deeply affects people's sexual lives. In our country, the majority of first sexual relationships are unsuccessful or bad. These unsuccessful experiences often leave traumatic effects and prevent men from having a healthy sexual life. It also increases the stress rate in men by triggering fears. This is considered among the main causes of sexual reluctance. A person's fear of failure is often reflected in his sexual life, which triggers sexual reluctance.
Sexual Reluctance Treatment
How is sexual reluctance treated?
The basic approach in the treatment of sexual reluctance is to find and eliminate the factors that reduce sexual desire in the person. and ensuring a sexual life style that is compatible with the person's sexual desires. If the cause is due to any disease, psychiatric problems such as depression, or medication use, a cause-specific treatment is applied. Then, treatment of sexual reluctance is addressed.
The aim of the treatment of couples who receive sexual therapy is to increase the sexual communication of the couple, to enable them to express their sexual desires more easily, and to remove the restrictions in their sexual lives. At this point, the most important element in treatment is to find and eliminate the factors that hinder sexual desire and to awaken the person's hidden desires and fantasies. If there are factors that originate from earlier periods, are chronic, have lifelong characteristics and are caused by deep dynamic reasons, dynamically oriented sexual therapy or individual therapies should be preferred depending on the severity of the problem.
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