I believe that the concept of social distance, which has just entered our lives, should also make us think about protecting our personal boundaries. Because all of us may have personal boundaries violated by acquaintances or strangers.
We all have personal boundaries, it affects our relationships. We are primarily responsible for protecting our own border. For this, we need to know how to protect our personal boundary and how much space our boundary covers.
Did you know that social distance also belongs to the term personal branding?
Proxemic; It is the branch of science that investigates how to use personal space in communication. It examines the effects of our use of space and population density on our behavior and communication. You can think of this word, which anthropologist Edward Hall etymologized, as an invisible ring surrounding our body.
1) Intimate Zone: The area up to 45 centimeters
2) Personal Area: 45 cm to 1.2 meters
3) Social Area: Between 1.2 meters and 3.6 meters
4) Public Area: Between 3.6 meters and 7.6 meters
In the book The Hidden Dimension (1966) suggested that spatial distances have meaning in our relationship with each other as all living things and create behavioral and emotional reactions.
Although it varies according to cultures, the largest of the 4 main areas, the public area (3.6 meters-7.6 meters) is beyond social distance. Since the social area is 1.2 - 3.6 meters, we receive social distance warnings as 1.5 meters. Before social distance, the intimate area (up to 45 centimeters) and personal space (up to 1.2 meters) represent our personal boundaries. As can be seen from distances, since the private area is the area we share with our closest people, such as our partners, our body reacts physiologically and we become anxious when people we do not know enter this area. Because we feel in danger, our nervous system gives a fight or flight response as an acute stress response.
Are you one of those who can protect their personal boundaries?
For this reason, we avoid making eye contact with people in crowds or in elevators. If we react with war, we may be in a position prone to violence, as in the tensions that occur in public transportation. building in the usa A study has revealed that the reason for the mass death of deer living in James Island State Park, despite the absence of starvation, predators or disease, was due to increased stress levels and overactivity of the adrenal glands as the deer population increased, resulting in the violation of each deer's personal space. This may also explain the high rate of crime and violence in places where human population is dense.
Our social space is affected by shopping, etc. It is the space we have to share with people.
If the social space where we start communicating with people progresses towards the personal space, there must be approval.
Approval; It means asking questions, listening, accepting the answer unconditionally, drawing clear boundaries and respecting each other's boundaries. It shows that we have healthy communication.
The easiest and clearest way to know the behaviors that a person does not like and where we should stand is to get approval.
Approval is received only once, “There is no need to ask the person every time. "He already shows it with his attitude." We cannot say that because body language and facial expressions are not sufficient for approval. A clear and concise Yes is required, just like in marriage ceremonies.
Are you one of those who can protect their personal boundaries?
Since the private area should not be entered, one has the right to react in cases where it is entered. We all have the freedom to give or withhold consent while maintaining our own personal boundaries. Asking more questions such as "Can I do it, how does it feel to do this, do you like it, does it bother you?" allows us to communicate healthily with less uncertainty.
Trying to turn the no answer of the person who does not approve into a yes. For example, oppressive, insistent attitudes such as "Nothing will happen once, it's what we always do, you're exaggerating..." to someone who says no to the relationship is an emotional threat. If a person you have warned to maintain social distance tries to deter you by giving such answers, it is a construction of approval and leads to violence, because every behavior that does not approve is violence.
Just like clothes and nudity, not saying no and indecision, meeting and flirting. If expressions of desire and marriage do not mean sexual approval, being in a social environment, taking public transportation or being in a queue does not mean social approval.
Are you one of those who can protect their personal boundaries?
If you have difficulty in recognizing what bothers you, "How do I feel when something bothers me?" You can begin to explore the question by asking yourself the question and remember that you are in a moment when you need to protect your boundaries whenever you feel those emotions.
You can tell children that they have the right to protect their personal boundaries whenever they realize that they feel emotions that they do not like.
In life. We can feel different emotions, when we feel challenging emotions we have the right to express what we are uncomfortable with and to say no or refuse. I recommend you watch BBC's social experiment on this subject.
After realizing the moments when we are uncomfortable, how can we say no to these situations that do not make us feel good and safe? We can determine a symbol of charity between us and our immediate environment and use this symbol. When we feel uncomfortable, we can realize that the time is right and increase our verbal expression. In times of difficulty, we can get support from people we trust. It is very natural to have difficulties in life and to receive support. In this way, we can start to support the people around us to protect their personal boundaries.
In the workshops I have been doing with agricultural worker children since 2018, while working on personal boundaries so that they can protect children's rights, we start by first noticing our personality traits and then our emotions. It makes us stronger in embracing its existence and the right to protection.
I find it very valuable to teach to protect personal boundaries. Although it is important to protect our health these days, it is also preventive in terms of violence, violation of rights and abuse, so all individuals should know it and children should know it from an early age. I think it is a concept that needs to be taught. Hoping for days when we protect our personal boundaries with education and awareness, with respect, and when the social incidents we witness due to violation of boundaries decrease..
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