First of all, "What is consistency?" Let's start with the question. Consistency; The fact that the concepts of relation and order are connected to each other is a logical unity.
Emotions and stable thoughts are also likely to change over time. But there is this; If a decision reached on an issue is changed due to emotional reactions or personal situations, and if a different behavior constantly emerges in the face of the same event, in short, if there is no clarity in stance, it is a big problem for our interlocutors. He cannot feel safe and sincere in his relationship with us and says "I wonder" in every situation. Anxiety increases and the relationship becomes anxious.
Yes, it is very difficult to lean on or trust a person who makes inconsistent situations and decisions, and rejects situations that he once accepted at other times. The situation is even worse if the person who has these qualities is a parent. Likewise, while we have the opportunity to get away from other people, it is very difficult to get away from our parents.
Consistency is a must for a strong character. To be incoherent or not to go down the well with that rope, this is the situation the child is in. Believe me, children do not want to live in a family as if they were living in an amusement park, if the support and guidance that their parents offer them fade away. They do not want to see in their parents' attitudes the dizziness of toys that are ridden until they feel dizzy.
If there is no consistency between parents who give lots of love or parents who withhold love, children's personality development will be damaged. Discipline training of parents has an important place in determining the dose of love and respect, that is, in determining the issues of motherhood and fatherhood. Being able to say the same thing and determine a common attitude.
It does not have to be 100% the same language between mother and father. They may think differently, but this should not be the child's fate. It is an issue that must be resolved between parents and even before the child is born. (How will we act on which issues?). Maybe not in details, but in order to make correct, solid and permanent decisions on the main points, the issues should be discussed, and experts should be consulted on what kind of child to raise and who are equipped with correct information about this. How to act consistently on this issue? It is truly a mystery. They have to reach the right and expert people and act with common sense. Instead of aiming to satisfy the child's pleasures; They should focus on being an individual who knows and protects their boundaries and does not violate them.
The issue of consistency should be examined from both sides:
1) Consistency in our own parenting.
2) Consistency in parenting between spouses.
If we list the basic points about being consistent:
1) Paying attention to why a decision is made for children and what it serves (Is it really for the benefit of the child? ?).
2) When I say yes or no to a situation, will I be able to say yes or no until the end?
3) How do my logic and heart work in the disciplinary decisions I make for my child?
4) Do I search for any source of information or method for my consistency in disciplinary decisions?
5) Is my consistency affected by my daily situation, the events I experience or the changes in my emotional states?
6 )Do I step back when it is difficult, when I want to or when I lose patience?
7)Do I always oppose my spouse in front of the child?Or can I have a private and private conversation with him about the attitude I deem inappropriate?
8)Do I hear my children's voice in terms of consistency/determination? Do I give them the opportunity to fulfill their feelings and desires?
9) Am I always confused about directing children? Do I act by trial and error, doing this and that?
10)How consistent am I with myself?
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