Although it is a universal emotion, expressing anger is specific to the individual. Not everyone expresses anger in the same way. We often learn how to express anger.
Sulking, acting aggressively, being sulky are examples of ways to express anger. We may have learned to express anger as in these examples.
Sometimes we may have learned not to express it. Namely, anger has a functional side. Without the emotion of anger, people feel that they will fail to recognize problems, organize them to their advantage, and protect themselves. That's why anger is an important emotion for one's self-protection.
As we always say, every emotion has a meaning for the organism.
Anger is a strong emotion that we can feel when we are treated unfairly, when our boundaries are violated, and to protect our boundaries and seek our rights.
Let's say you are in a month where you were expecting a raise and it did not come as you expected, the feeling you will experience here is 'anger' and this may be accompanied by the thought that you have been treated unfairly.
There is an anger cycle here, as Gestalt says;
Realization of the need, determination, bargaining and compromise. In order to understand the emotion, it is first necessary to allow that emotion to live. It is necessary not to ignore anger and to consider what to do with that emotion.
So, for example, what should we do here? If you think you have been treated unfairly, who is the addressee here? What will you demand from whom? How will you create a dialogue about your request?
All these need to be determined. Will you accept what they give, or will you offer an alternative that is what you want? Will you be able to compromise somewhere or leave if conditions are not right for you? Each of these are actually alternatives.
And as a result, whatever your decision is, you will reach a consensus within yourself.
Another point is that in order to create a dialogue, we need to be able to stop and listen, even when we are angry, and truly hear the other person. What could the other person be implying other than this? Thinking about this can make the dialogue more transparent may. It is necessary to truly hear it as it is, to let it speak, and to be willing to listen. When it happens this way, anger becomes truly functional. It becomes an important guide for a person to both protect himself and realize his wishes. That's why it is necessary to try to understand instead of ignoring or eliminating.
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