When we look at some of the situations that people can't get over their mental illnesses or
difficulties in life, we see that some childhood experiences and upbringing are effective on the basis of all
. Child-rearing attitude is not just something that affects
until the child grows up, it is a process that affects how he/she will be in a whole life, what problems
he/she will experience, in which situations he/she will be strong and in which situations he/she will be weak.
A child develops his inner world by including many things that are expressed or not expressed in the family
. Of course, these are not all positive things, and many
things contain things that will make your life difficult in the future
. Of course, no family wants their child to be bad, and
whatever he is doing, he is doing it for the good. However,
a lot of behavior that is done for good will not be good for the child for the future, but a lot of behavior
creates the infrastructure that will cause the child not to be happy but to be unhappy in the future
.
When it comes to family, the issue of how mentally healthy the parents are
and, secondly, how healthy their relationship is
comes to the fore. Because this type of relationship creates a family atmosphere and the child
is affected by this atmosphere in a good or bad way. Years later
when he goes to a psychologist for any reason, the links to the problems he/she experiences are searched here.
Some families develop patterns that I will raise a child like this
my child should be like this
. They do not care
of the child's potential and tendencies, and even force them in the opposite direction, and they
choose the way to make up for these deficiencies
by imposing on their children what they can't do. It is as if they sacrifice children to their own expectations. Sometimes
children resist, act in the opposite direction of their difficulties, and sometimes
give in and surrender by giving up their own tendencies. The most important
work of the family is to observe the child well, to discover and support their talents and interests
. It's not about being offended by their interests and forcing
in the opposite direction. The appropriate environment, values and knowledge to grow up with him< br /> to transfer and access this information. Or, the child should not be a means of competition with other families
or the material of his narcissistic needs. When
is like this, a constant
comparison disaster arises with other families and with the children of other families.
Every child is special, valuable and unique in this world. They need unconditional love,
trust, feeling valued and cared for. > Their first experience in life is in the family, their first fear, their first disappointment
their first success and failure is within the family. And it is here
that they learn how to give their first
reactions to what they experience and how their response is received. All these situations create the prototype of their
reaction to what they will experience in the outside world and how they will act.
A balanced child cannot grow up in an unbalanced family. If the parents have mental
problems, personality problems, if there is chaos, this will directly affect the children
. A child who grows up in an aggressive family will learn to solve their problems in aggressive
ways. A child who feels that he is not safe in the family will not feel safe in his adult life.
A child's destiny begins before he is born. The environment in which he will be born,
culture, values, expectations, family atmosphere and family structure play a determining role in how
that child will be. Of course, we do not exclude the genetic features
when we say this.
We see a lot of mothers who cling to their children and they are in high anxiety and
because of these concerns, they cling to their children because they overcome their
attachment problems with their own mothers. they did not come. Traumas in the family
create situations that directly affect children and cause some developmental delays
. In families where the child is not allowed to separate
and be independent, children learn late to be independent and
to develop skills in
what they can do.
The child is born from the parents, but does not belong to the parents. In this world
the person is an independent individual. Mom The father's duty is to provide the environment
suitable for him, not to do it as he pleases.
Parents who are independent but differentiated and become adults
prevent their children from segregating and moving towards adulthood.
Sometimes the child
things that are bought to him more than necessary even though he does not need it, things that do not fit the child's interest, who need it are considered. The child does it to the bottom, the mother
gives him the breast. What is needed, what is offered.
Sometimes families raise princes and princes at home. We see
writings on the back of the vehicles, it says there is a princess in the car. Pathology starts here.
Addressing the child as my brother, pasha, my love, confuses the child. Parents who cannot regulate their own
emotions can cause emotional
turmoil in children as well. The basis of personality disorders is always
laid within the family and develops over time.
Families that do not set appropriate boundaries for their children and do not teach boundaries cause these children to have border problems in the future.
It should be essential to raise independent individuals who can
live independently in the society, make decisions and cope with possible situations, not stay in the family. One of the most important mistakes that families
make is to burden the child with emotion,
to hurt oneself, and to use it as a training method
as a method of discipline. Children who grow up with blame and shame
often become insecure and experience emotional turmoil. Mothers
sometimes almost raise the child as a part of themselves and the child feels weak and powerless without the mother
and develops a dependent structure
in the future. He learns to be dependent on other people in his adult life, cannot reveal his own
preferences and learns to give up on his inner world
. is to make it. Children who grow up without meeting the need for
acceptance and approval in the family, need to be accepted and approved in the future with strict
China cries. If there is a lack of meaning and values
and only material things are offered, if the need for attention and love
is not met, these children will be unhappy in the future. They become wealthy and unhappy
individuals.
Not to make the child dependent, to give unconditional love, not to compare
, to allow appropriate choices, to share in decisions, to be valuable
It is essential to make them feel, approve, moderate praise, develop a sense of trust
, in short, to provide a suitable healthy environment.
Parents who raise their children in a faunus should know that this child
will live in this society when he grows up, not on another planet. A perfectionist approach in a
utopia will do harm. Constant
high expectations from the child will make him feel worthless.
In addition, in families living disconnected at home, the child learns to be on his own
. No one is aware of anyone's inner world. He is unaware of the expectations
and there is no common feeling in the family. In this case, the child
will grow up with the psychology of abandonment.
There are also families who turn a child into a racehorse. They are completely
focused on success and grow up with the belief that in the future, only if successful, they will be accepted
. In fact, there are families competing with each other here.
They compete with each other through children.
Developing responsibility and teaching the child to make decisions are among the basic needs. Encouraging independence, teaching him to make decisions
of course, does not mean that the child is on his own.
Raising the child with constant praise and putting him in the belief that he is narcissistic and superior
will make him unhappy in the future and his relationships are broken
will provide the environment for it to happen. Interfering with the child and occupying the child
also means restricting the child's expression
. While the overprotective approach develops the feeling
that the child is at risk, indifferent families cause the child to settle in a humane
that is not accepted as unloved. While it causes shy individuals to grow up in fear and anxiety in authoritarian families, children in families that behave inconsistently
cannot learn right and wrong. they experience border problems.
They develop in an emotional instability. Growing up
in a democratic family structure is, of course, a healthy approach that is preferred. Both a healthy
development and happy individuals grow up in such environments. > the family model that does not impose conditional love is ideal. Those who make enough explanations
explain why they shouldn't do something, don't indulge with excessive tolerance
do not bend the rules according to their own whims and tighten them,
do not set rules that are not appropriate for their age, The family environment that does not impose certain things is ideal.
It is healthier ways to avoid giving orders, to listen to the child, to allow
to express himself, and to do something with the child
instead of giving a speech.
br />
Labeling children, calling them names, insulting them, making statements that will create distrust
inflict wounds on them. Don't do that all the time
don't do that, don't do that, it's wrong to make you feel that you are in danger
. To say that the outside world and
life is full of traps is to suggest that it can be damaged
from the outside world, not to protect it, but to weaken it.
Families always say that current generations are different, of course they are different. You
are different from the generation before you. Most of the parents
apply their behavior that they are angry with their own parents to their own children.
Whether the parents are indecisive, prescriptive, optimistic, pessimistic or nervous
they convey this situation to their children. First of all, don't make children a prisoner of your own fears. Don't let your fears
continue to live in them. When we look at some of the situations that people cannot overcome the mental and diseases they experience or the difficulties they experience in life
, we see that some childhood experiences and upbringing are effective on the basis of all of them
. Child-rearing attitude is not something that only influences until the child grows up, but how it will be in a whole life.
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